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Walter Jacobson, M.D.

Walter Jacobson, M.D.

Posted January 8, 2011

Published in Lifestyle

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The Destructive Nature of Name-Calling In Relationships

Read More: communication, happiness, healing marriages, love, repairing relationships, success, well-being

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Oftentimes, when partners are angry with each other, rather than address the issues in a civilized manner, sticking to facts, reason, and fair, appropriate discourse, they tend to attack each other, calling each other horrible names, assaulting and abusing each other relentlessly.

This is destructive and counterproductive. It prevents true communication and any hope for true harmony. All of the name-calling causes more resentments, more anger, more distrust, and it doesn't generate a desire for cooperation. It doesn't foster understanding. It doesn't change the other person's mind.

If anything, it makes the other person more defensive and intractable. Additionally, after that particular squabble has ended, the couple, still a couple committed to their union, now have enduring emotional scars from all the hostility, aggression, and personal attacks, which act as barriers to true healing, the restoration of trust, and a strengthened union.

When we are angry with our loved ones, it is best that we stick to the issues, we stick to the facts, we don't resort to personal attacks, and we respect the person even if we disagree. It's best that we remember that our goal is not about winning the battle, so to speak, but about winning the war.

With open-mindedness, compassion, and acceptance, despite strong feelings of hurt, fear, and disapproval of our partner's attitudes or actions, and by refraining from unnecessary personal attacks on their character, we increase the potential of helping our partner change and grow, and the relationship along with it.

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