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Walter Jacobson, M.D.

Walter Jacobson, M.D.

Posted January 8, 2011

Published in Lifestyle

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Had Enough of Nothing?

Read More: building self esteem, ending self sabotage, forgiveness, guilt, happiness, self loathing, shame, success

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If we continually procrastinate and sabotage ourselves to the point of not getting the lives we want, we need to re-program our subconscious minds because it is not our being a victim of bad luck or some more concrete scapegoat that is getting in our way. It's us.

When one self-improvement program, self-help-book, spiritual guru, economic guru, etc., after another has failed to deliver us our aspirations,  it behooves us to keep our Shakespeare in mind. Particularly, that "the fault, dear Brutus, lies not in the stars but in ourselves that we are underlings."

Point being: We can be masters of our fate or victims of our fears, fantasies and foolishness. We can continue to know what we need to do and not do it, and not get where we want to go. Or we can recognize that everything we've tried hasn't worked, so we best do something different.

Self-Sabotage

In order to do something different, best we know the root cause of the problem and then design a unique and effective solution.

The root cause is self-sabotage. Consciously, we want to make money, make friends, lose weight, get healthy and fit, find our soul mates and partners, and by golly we're gonna start tomorrow morning for sure, you betcha. This time I really mean it.

New Year's Resolutions come and go. Again and again. Year after year.  Unconsciously, our resistance to change is great and our resolve to put into practice the principles and techniques we've learned is weak. The resistance wins out, any attempt at establishing a habit of behaviors, a pattern of focused thoughts and exercises all devoted to the achievement of expressed goals fails sooner or later.

We're back

at step one. With another healthy dose, so to speak, of guilt, shame and self-loathing that we've failed another attempt to attain our goals, whatever they might be.

Why is the unconscious resistance to change so great? It's because of what I just made reference to: guilt, shame and self-loathing. Buried deed in the unconscious mind is the belief that we are not good enough and don't deserve abundance and success.

That core thought compels the subconscious to act in ways that creates that reality.  We experience a world which reflects that self-concept that we are not worthy. Rather than attracting success, happiness and prosperity into our lives, we attract accidents and potholes.

If this premise is correct, then we must change our core thoughts about ourselves which compel our subconscious mind to do our bidding if we are to attract the life we want without resistance, negativity, obstacles and unpleasantness.

We must rid ourselves of the unconscious guilt, shame and self-loathing. Not a simple task. Nonetheless, a worthy one. And the way to do it is to be of service to others, to engage in estimable acts towards others as best we can, without conditions, exceptions or expectations.

As we esteem others through our respect and service to help as best we can, we are esteeming ourselves and sending our subconscious the message that we are good enough. But that's not enough. We must forgive ourselves as well if we are to eliminate the deeply submerged guilt and shame.

We Reap What We Sow

As we forgive others, which involves letting go of our harsh judgments of them, we are actually forgiving ourselves, letting go of our harsh judgments of ourselves. It's Confucius's Law of Reciprocity. It's a Golden Rule sort of thing. It's the way this world of ours works. It's all projection. People are mirrors of our thoughts. Trust me, there's a lot of that going around.

As we forgive others, we forgive ourselves. It's as simple and as difficult as that. Esteem others, let go of judgments and resentments and anger, forgive others for they know not what they do, among other things, and be of service to others. We get out of ourselves.

We get out of the crazy thinking in our head which makes us feel alienated and frightened. We help others. We count our blessings.

And guess what? Things get better. Life gets better. Life has greater meaning in addition to greater clarity, direction, transformation, happiness, contentment and good fortune.

This is the basis of my book, Forgive To Win!  Simple spiritual truths and cognitive-behavioral techniques to eliminate self-sabotage and pave the way for success.


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