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From: Tom ZeCat (
Subject: thanks for the kind words
Date: February 25, 2009 at 9:25 pm PST

In Reply to: Re: RIP Ingrid posted by Jo Stepaniak on February 23, 2009 at 5:12 am:

However, you're incorrect. This isn't about my mourning the loss of a romantic relationship with her. I made peace with our not being together long ago and I moved on. Although I'm not married, I am in a relationship with someone. If I were married, it would make no difference. I'm sad that she's died, not that we're not together.

Leukemia is an awful disease. It breaks my heart that she had to face that and to know how scared she must have been. Even though I didn't know her during the time of her life when she was a mother, I know how important that would be to her. I know how abhorrent it must have been to her to know she would not be able to see her son grow up into manhood. That breaks my heart too. And I would like to have seen her again or heard from her again. She did a wonderful job adding her creativity to mine when she acted in the play I wrote. I would like to have shared more of my creativity with her. These are the reasons I have this awful pit in my gut and lump in my throat. I cared about her when we were more than friends, and I cared about her when we were just friends. I wanted her to be with who she chose to be with.

Here's what I've done. I've decided to get the play performed again, and this time to have it done dedicated to her memory. I also contacted her family to express my sympathies and to let them know I'm dedicating the play to her. When she acted in it, it was a work in progress and I made revisions based on what I saw the actors do. There's a lot of her in that script. Her father requested a copy of it. I'm going to send it to him tomorrow. I'm going to try to get the play performed in southern California where her family is from so that they can see it if they want to. I feel good about my choice to do this and therefore respectfully disagree with your advice to not do anything.

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