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From: Rebecca (
Subject: The news
Date: March 22, 2005 at 7:34 am PST

In Reply to: i'm crying now and i don't know why posted by Luci on March 18, 2005 at 6:16 pm:

No I am sorry, I didn't see it. I don't watch the news much. In fact I don't really watch TV much.

My baby girl's name is Calantha Aurora. It means bright flower's shiny new day. Contrary to the opinion that time heals all wounds, I have found this isn't really so. There are still days when I miss my daughter, painfully.Sometimes I even forget she is gone. Like when we go to the park. Sometimes when I go to leave I accidently include her in the number of kids I am rounding up.

What I HAVE found to be true is that you will find ways to deal with the pain. It really never goes away. She died in 1997, and anniversaries of special days are difficult. Every once in a while I go off by myself and have a good cry, and them I am okay for a month or so.

Certain things will bring back vivid memories. Like the smell of wet burning trash, or the sound of sirens. I am sure it is post-traumatic stress, but I can usually brace myself and get through it.

I know I will see her again. I know she is okay, and safe. It is like she is in the next room. It's is just that I miss her terribly.

For you, the crying on an instant, will happen a lot at first. It is part of normal grieving. What wouldn't be normal right now is if you didn't cry. Give yourself time. Eventually, if you let yorself feel this, you will figure out how to get through it and deal with it.

I kind of visualize a box, hidden deep inside me. Every once in a while I take out the box of memories and vent. Usually when I am alone, but sometimes with family that remember her.

I hope this helps.

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