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From:	kcook (67.235.255.150)
Subject:	Should I stay?
Date:	December 8, 2008 at 4:03 pm PST

Hi,

I feel absurd seeking the advice of strangers on the internet, but I suppose I have reached a point where I am so afraid of my future.

My husband of 16 years is really beginning to act worse and worse.

It started in the very beginning, but I thought I could handle it. When he broke an end table two month after marriage, I told myself if I just behave and act a certain way he will not get angry.

Well here I am three children later (16, 12, and 8) and now I fear for our lives. I am a christain so therefore I believe in marriage and that a marriage should be christ based and that a man should worship and honor his wife and she should do the same.

I have never been honored, respected, or treated nicely.

I do everything!! I mean everything!!!

I homeschool (his decision). I work 20 hours a week outside the home. Plus mow the lawn, take out the trash, dishes, laundry, clean, home repairs. EVERYTHING.

He goes to work, keeps all of his money and spends it on himself and sometimes the kids. He does pay our mortage of $980 a month. He makes pretty good money. About 50,000 a year. He claims all the kids and the house on his taxes, but not me. But all he does is pay the mortage.

But here is the really scarely part. He likes to break and through things. Sometimes at me. Most times it is when the kids are sleeping and I have to pick up messes (sometimes I am unsuccesful) before they wake up.

His most recent angry edpisode was that he took a hanging lamp of mine and through it through a double patioo glassdoor. One whole half was shattered. The glass was everywhere. Outside and inside. The curtains fell down the lamp was mangled. WHY? I was drying my hair in the bathroom when he camae in demanding to know if I moved his Chef Boy Ardee (SP?). I wasn't sure what he was talking about then I remember that I rearranged the pantry and had moved a few things. This apparently made him mad!

That is not all. Over the years he has shot suitcases at me. Measuring cups, computer monitors, electric frying pans (at 6 of these) he really hates electric frying pans, He throws my personal property away, items such as necklases, chairs, vases rolling carts, and the list goes on. He calls me names, $#@*, bitch, whore, you name it.

Has he hit me. Well sortof. He pushes, he shoves, he raises his fist and threatens to hit me, but does not strike me.

Why do I stay. I married him. My bed, I need to sleep in it. Where do I live with my 3 kids. I work part-time and can not afford rent or our home. I would throw him out if I could. But he is bigger than me. I am looking for another job. I have to. Then when I can make the mortage myself. I think I will get rid of him.

He refuses to go to counseling. He says they are just after his money. I do not sleep with him. I sleep on the couch and have for the last 5 years. He has the bedroom. I is so backwards. I thought the guy got put on the couch not the woman. But not here, he would just throw something or break something.

Oh did I mention all the holes I have in the walls where he has puched them.

I can never have any company, becuase I am embarrassed about the damage.

Oh yeah, last summer he drained the pool and rip the liner out. The kids and I are still wondering about this one. The pool is ruined. I feel sick everytime I see it. I feel helpless. I mean both our names are on the deed and the mortage. I guess he can do whatever he wants to his property. It is mine to, but what can I do???

He had my cats caputured by the pound, but I went and got them back. I told the animal control people that he was just being evil and that they are my cats. He can't have them taken away becuase I live here too.

So what do you think? I am crazy? I think so.

I have no family in the area. He has two sisters, but they won't talk to him. When I tried to talk to his mother about it she said she couldn't understand it and wondered if my hormones were OK.

We do not speak. Not ever about the kids. I will not speak to him until he seek counseling. Until then we just share space together.

Why am I here? One thing is that a lawyer cost $6000. That may be the biggest reason.

He won't get one becuase he thinks I am being difficult.

Thank you so very much for reading.

I forgot to mention that I had to go to the hardware store to get a huge piece of wood to cover of the glass sliding door that is missing. It is 6 x 8. I nailed that on and covered it with a blanket. It seems to be keeping the heat in pretty well. I don't know if I will ever have enough money to fix it. By time I buy food, cloths, by electric and phone and gas. There is not much left.

Thanks again.

Let me know what you think and what advise you have for me. This may sound made up, but it is not. I can show you a picture of my glass sliding door.

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