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From:	Grieving (205.250.43.77)
Subject:	Enough grounds to end it or not? -opinions please
Date:	July 19, 2008 at 11:25 am PST

My boyfriend has been hiding his phone from me for several months. I noticed he was very paranoid about me getting my hands on it. (Perhaps understandably so; about a year ago he would constantly check my phone and messages -so I told him to stop it or I will start doing the same. Hence, for a while we would check each other's phones when ever the other persons phone was left unattended.)

So yesterday he left the room and forgot to take his cell phone. I breached his right to privacy (yes bad me) and went straight to his inbox. There were several messages from a woman. I saw the headings of each, but did not read them because he returned to the room. I initially hid the phone but a second later I showed him the phone in my hand and asked him who she is. He immediately snapped the phone away from me. He said it is a work related friend. I asked him to show me the messages. He said I should just trust him and that he should not have to show me because I no longer let him check my cell either.

I told him that he has to earn his trust. I said "I am giving you one last chance to show me the messages and explain the relationship -otherwise I am ending it because I do not want to be with someone that hides relationships (no matter how innocent) from me." He did not show me the messages and said that he is not hiding anything and that there is no relationship to explain. He got up to go to the bathroom and I warned him not to delete the messages because they are his last chance in proving himself innocent. He did not show me the phone until after he deleted the messages -claiming there was only one he deleted. I guess he did not realize how much I saw. I knew there was more than one, because I saw the headings. Later he said that he did screw up by deleting them, but he claims that I would not understand and that I would try to see something in them -that is why he did not want me to read them.

Now I am hitting myself over the head why I showed him the fact that I was checking the phone when he came back into the room. I should have just read them later and confront him after I knew what the messages said. Now I will never know if he is saying the truth -in that it is just an innocent friend or not.

Either way I told him that because he did not show them to me when I asked AND he went to the trouble of deleting them (and the list of calls he had from/to her) that it proves that he is hiding something that he could not bear me seeing. I feel this is enough grounds for me to end this relationship, after all, if he had nothing to hide with that women he would have shown me the messages. He says I am being just jealous and am totally unjustified in accusing him.

What do you guys think? Give him the benefit of the doubt or is my reasoning correct?

Thank you in advance to all those that take the time to respond. I really would appreciate some opinions.

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