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From:	Carla (204.211.2.254)
Subject:	Re: im confused
Date:	March 14, 2008 at 10:21 am PST

In Reply to: im confused posted by brittany on March 13, 2008 at 3:26 pm:

Grieving is really normal; prolonged grieving, that totally occupies your thoughts and keeps you from living your life, is not a good thing.You may always miss him at times, especially when something reminds you of your loss. You may be staying in the "sorrow and grieving" mode to avoid facing being angry at him for leaving you in this way. It's okay and normal to get mad, even when the person has died. It is part of working through your feelings. But that may be hard to acknowledge.
Since this was a boyfriend rather than a husband or someone society acknowledges as "important" in your life, you may not have had the public support for grieving that might have helped you.
but yes, it is time, after 2 1/2 years, to ask yourself why you are stuck. You may need to talk with a counselor or therapist a few times to get unstuck, and that is okay!
You don't "have" to get married. You don't have to do anything unless you want to. But you do have a life to live beyond enshrining the memory of someone, no matter how wonderful you think he might have been. You might also want to ask yourself whether you are ready to go for a relationship in which you are taking responsibility for your own feelings, rather than waiting for some magic person who "makes" you feel a certain way. That's not love, that's addiction. It's normal, when you're in the early stages of a relationship. But know it for what it is: nice, but not solid grounds for anything long term. If you can let go of that fantasy, you might find some wonderful companionship out there.
You don't say how old you are, or how old you were at the time this occurred. But whether you're 20 or 40, you have a full life ahead. Just be thankful you weren't in that car, and live the life you have.

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