Reply To This Post         Return to Posts Index           VegSource Home

From:	ellie (204.211.2.254)
Subject:	it's nice that he knows he's not a grownup
Date:	July 20, 2007 at 10:15 am PST

In Reply to: Re: What should you do when he doesn't want marriage? posted by Confused Girl on July 18, 2007 at 11:15 am:

but honestly, you don't need to be with (or marry!) a big child and then have a bunch of little children too. It's nice that he knows he needs to deal with his early baggage. BUT - if he's been with you two years and is still talking about liking to have his options open????

You are right - he may well get his head straightened out, thank you for being the good friend you are in helping him do that, and announce that he is ready to go on and marry - someone else. Oh, and of course, he'll always want to be friends.

Or, he could spend the next fifteen years in therapy, "working on it". That happened to me. I found out, the hard way, that therapy is a great smokescreen for people to tell themselves how sensitive and put together they are while they hide from actually changing anything or taking real, here and now responsibility for their life course.Therapists often aid and abet this behavior for years.

You sound like you care deeply about him, but you are clearheaded about what's going on. You realize that by living with him, you're giving him a very comfortable arrangement requiring no real change from him in order to get his needs met by you.

The decisions are yours to make. Is he worth waiting and taking the chance on? or is it time to go find a grownup?

Reply To This Post         Return to Posts Index           VegSource Home