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From:	Confused Girl... (12.30.76.234)
Subject:	What should you do when he doesn't want marriage?
Date:	July 16, 2007 at 9:06 am PST

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When we first met, I was very upfront about wanting only to be with someone I would marry and how marriage was extremely important to me. He said he felt the same way and didn't like 'dating for the sake of dating'.

Eventually I moved in with him (as it was too expensive to live apart) and things have been pretty good. I'm not going to say perfect because that would be a lie, as all relationships have challenges. We are able to work out our problems together and we have enjoyed our relationship together.

A little bit after our 1 year anniversary, I started to notice his feelings on marriage changing. He'd make little comments about not 'trusting' marriage. I know he makes comments to friends that he doesn't know if he'll ever get married. When I try to bring it up to him he tells me he loves me but he isn't ready to marry. He even told me once that guys like having options even if they don't want to use them. He doesn't know when he will be ready but he needs councelling first to deal with his parent's divorce from his childhood first. He always insists that he wants to marry someday and he'll do right by me. When people ask, he'll say something like 'we're working on it'.

His father left his mother when he was very young and they spent most of his life using him to manipulate the other and he says this relationship has affected his opinion of marriage (something he didn't tell me in our first year together).

When I first met my boyfriend he wasn't very close with his father but as our relationship has progressed, so has his relationship with his father. His father has proven that he is unable to be in any type of committed relationship (he threw his last girlfriend out after only 3 days living together!) but continues to offer his advice of anti-marriage to my boyfriend.

Circumstances have changed recently as we are moving to a new city. We are living apart with family while trying to find an apartment to share. I don't think I want to move back in with him because I don't trust that he does want the same thing as me - marriage. I mean, he can't even be honest with me and say that he doesn't know that he'll ever want to get married, though he will tell his friends. Marriage is important to me and I don't think it's fair anymore. I don't know what to do...

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