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From:	Lisa (ool-457559f6.dyn.optonline.net)
Subject:	Live and learn
Date:	July 5, 2007 at 11:27 am PST

In Reply to: book reccomendations sought posted by rubystar on June 26, 2007 at 5:34 pm:

I'm so sorry this happened to you - though in the end, it may be a blessing in disguise.

I'm not a single parent, but I do have a story to share that may give you some food for thought. When my parents split, my youngest brother was 5 (I was already out of the house). My father began dating, and introducing my brother to his dates and their children, sometimes including all of them in their outings. Most of the time, these relationships were short-term, and my brother really didn't understand why he couldn't play with the kids anymore, etc. Young children don't really understand dating (even when parents call their dates "my friend"), and they get attached. It was confusing to my brother, and I'm sure to the other children as well. I've heard psychologists recommend not involving children in relationships until the parents are sure they will be long-term for this reason.

My mother chose not to date until my brother was grown. While this may not work for everyone, making her child her priority has paid off. My brother doesn't have much of a relationship with my father, yet is still close to my mother. I'm not saying this is due to the dating thing only, but it has always been clear to him that he was a priority to my mom but not my dad.

Please don't interpert this as a criticism. It seems to me that you are a fast learner:) so give yourself a break and keep going. Every relationship gives us the opportunity to learn something, and you've done that, so it hasn't been that big a mistake. You've made the best of a bad situation - good for you!

I hope this helps.

Lisa

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