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From:	Lisa (pool-71-167-32-115.nycmny.fios.verizon.net)
Subject:	I'm not Keith...
Date:	June 17, 2007 at 12:59 pm PST

In Reply to: Hey Keith, this one's for you... posted by rubystar on June 16, 2007 at 9:42 pm:

but I did want to answer.

It seems to me that when anyone, single parent or not, uses his financial status (and ability to buy expensive presents) to manipulate another person, it is not his "kind, giving nature" at all - it is, as you said, his neediness and, I might add, control issues.

It seems, from your post, that you have expressed your concerns that gifts are not necessary, your time constraints, etc. It concerns me that he does not HEAR your concerns. He urges you to go out, when you have limited free time as it is. He continues to bring gifts when you've already addressed the issue. I'm wondering how you communicate on other issues.

You didn't mention whether or not you like this man, enjoy the time you spend with him, etc. In fact, I didn't get anything from your post about how you feel about him except that you feel angry that he feels he's been generous and did not get enough in return. Is he kind to you? Your children? Does he respect you? It doesn't seem to me (from your post) that you feel valued as a person in this relationship. Do you?

I'm not sure what your question is, but it seems to me that you have two choices. Either you continue down this path, with him manipulating you with his "generosity", or you tell him that you are sorry he doesn't feel he's getting enough in return and you are not able to give any more. If you both want to continue the relationship, he needs to know that this is how it is, and you will not defend your choices about your time and your energy. It seems clear to me that you aren't getting what you need. I'm wondering what he brings to the table for YOU.

And by the way, I'm sure there are plenty of single men with children, careers, or other demands who can recognize and appreciate your struggles - and would LOVE a woman who can understand theirs! Maybe the two of you just have different needs from a relationship right now. It doesn't make anyone right or wrong...just different.

What do you think?

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