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From:	Violet (dialup-4.229.30.56.dial1.detroit1.level3.net)
Subject:	Re: Trying to bite the bullet
Date:	June 14, 2007 at 10:52 am PST

In Reply to: Re: Trying to bite the bullet posted by Keith on June 13, 2007 at 7:05 am:

Wow, okay maybe you know more about this stuff than I do. I was under the understanding that a shower was a gift, that's what all of the ettiquette books say. The hostess, the person paying for the shower is the one who makes the decisions and frequently these things are a surprise.

Maybe things have changed since when I was married? There are rules like mother's of the couple do not give the showers becsase it is considered gift begging and when you are asking people to bring gifts for the couple you do not ask them to pay for their own meal or bring food...At least that is what all of the sites on giving bridal showeres say, still.

I've never heard of the bride and groom calling the shots for showers, I thought that it was something that someone gives them as a gift and that person does all of the work and planning and pays for it all. The sites say it is the bride and groom's job to respect the hostesses(sp?) wishes and budget,(I can't afford couple's which would double the number of people and the cost).

Have things really changed that much? They are young and in need of the basics and I know the groom's Mom would very much like for them to have a shower. They nickle and dime her to death already. I mean they really could use some gifts to set up house.

I've never even met the bride. I wish now that I had never offered to do this but I was sincerely giving them a gift for the simple reason that there is nobody on the groom's side to do this and I wanted to help them get off to a nice start. I am more hurt than mad. Kind of shocked too. I mean I've never heard of such a thing and I'm not a spring chicken. I've been to a slew of showers in my day.

You know in the end this is going to save me about $1,000 and things are a little tight in my house right now so I'm a wee bit relieved too. I'm also just not willing to throw a picnic type shower. I chose a restaurant because quite fankly I'm not good at making food stuffs and planning all that out, making sure there is enough and that it is edible. That would make me a nervous wreck. They are hints that well maybe I can do that instead and I honestly not only do not want to, I don't think I could pull something like that off. I'm certainly not willing to put my name on a shower event where we ask people to bring food, I'm not super proper but it just isn't in me to that. It also is not what I offered.

I want to just step out now with a clear consious but the Mother of the groom is still letting me know she might need me. I don't want to leave her high and dry either, she is a dear, dear friend.

BTW, I love the groom with all my heart, I would die for him but I think he is behaving like an ungrateful, spoiled little snot right now and not just because of the shower thing. His poor Mamma is being put through the wringer. This kid will do anything to make this girl happy and nothing and nobody else matters much to him right now.

I'm starting to feel a little walked on.

Thanks
Violet

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