|
||||||||||||||||||
 |
Reply To This Post Return to Posts Index VegSource Home
In Reply to: routine vs commitment ... posted by frances on April 13, 2007 at 5:05 pm:
What do you dream of? If you could have every wish come true, what would your future look like? Now, what does your partner dream of? If he could have his wishes come true, what would his future look like? Are you in each other's dreams? That would show a potential for committment. Committment is only one part of a healthy relationship. Another part is communication. Can you answer the question about his dreams? Can he answer about yours? Have you discussed your respective dreams? It is important for two people in a relationship to dream out loud to each other and to find a way to bring their dreams together. This is part of putting committment into action. People are subject to many addictive behaviours, not just the obvious ones involving substances. One common addiction is to security. "Better to be bored with the known than to take a chance on the unknown" would be a sign of a security or risk-averse addiction. It sounds to me like it is possible that your partner may dislike risk. This again is an area where the two of you need to talk and bring your paths together. A healthy relationship cannot tolerate large differences in need for security. Smaller differences can be accommodated, but only if you talk about them and are both willing to bend a bit. When we first met, I was quite a bit more than risk-averse than my wife. It caused me major anxiety to make some of the career / lifestyle / location changes that she dreamed of. It felt like jumping off a cliff without a parachute. Yet, when we talked about it, I realized that realizing her dreams would in fact make my own dreams come true. I just needed someone to make that leap with. Our committment made possible the dream, and the dream reinforced the committment. What made it possible was communication. The link below is a book that I have recommended, it must be 100 times, on this board. It consists of about 1000 questions that any couple should discuss. You don't have to be 100% in agreement on all the questions - that would be boring - but you do have to be able to accommodate each other on all of them. Many of the questions address dreams, desires, taking risks, etc., which seem to be at issue here. Get the book and work through it with your partner. We liked it so much that we got the author to officiate at our wedding! Keith
Reply To This Post Return to Posts Index VegSource Home
|
|
||||||||||||||||
