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How does one define the difference between routine and commitment? I've lived with my BF for 4-5 years now and when I really analyze our relationship, it seems like we have plenty of routine but as far as commitment, I don't really know ... not that we aren't faithful to each other, not that we don't love each other but, I don't know, something just doesn't seem quite as "whole" as it could be (and never has, really). I mean, we spend our days (most of the time, quite happily) together but something's missing. BF isn't really the "planning for the future" type (except for saving money for retirement) and seems quite content in his current job (with a company I view as rather immoral and don't care for the way they treat employees (unpaid OT, extended travel (2 weeks becomes 2 months, etc) and on top of that, don't really pay what they should, aren't eager to promote, BF worked near huge, much-complained-about mold infestation for about a year) ... I, otoh, am quite bored with my job which isn't in my field at all, isn't very challenging (other than how does one get so much work done in so little time) and despite having more than *7 times* the assets they had when I started there, I've seen nothing but the standard cost of living increases in my paychecks. "Quite bored" doesn't exactly describe it ... frustrated and bored out of my *@#%ing mind comes a little closer. But at least, I don't have major qualms about the company's purpose and generally like my co-workers. Anyway, I guess all the job stuff isn't totally relevant, except that I want to move on to another city (a much smaller city), BF doesn't ever want to budge unless a situation is way past what would be bearable for most people. And hating/dreading half of each waking day isn't helping very much on my end. As far as a future together (a real future and not just an endless string of days - please tell me there is a difference?!?), I don't really have any faith that we'll ever have more than a string of days ... I find myself shutting away some little part of myself that will be okay walking away from our relationship because I don't/can't really have any faith that we'll ever "turn the corner", so to speak, on this day-after-day existence. Then I can fall back on that little sheltered, guarded part if I ever completely give up hope and decide to walk away. Sorry to ramble on so long ... thanks for any thoughts a/o advice!
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