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In Reply to: ask some questions posted by Surya on January 6, 2007 at 11:01 pm:
Asking yourself questions is good advice. I would add that, when you meet someone that you are interested in, ask them questions too. In particular, since committment is important to you, have a talk with the prospective partner about committment. Ask them what committment means to them; tell them what it means to you. Talk explicitly about what your expectations are. Are you expecting a life-long committment (i.e. marriage or equivalent)? If not, then what? Make sure that you are clear to the other person about them. Ask what the other person is expecting in the relationship. Do this BEFORE getting seriously involved, as soon as it looks like things could become serious. If you want a relationship that lasts, both of you must agree on these issues. A book that really helps get the discussions going is "Before We Say I Do" by Nomi Whalen. It consists of about 1000 questions that a couple needs to discuss before getting seriously involved. You don't have to necessarily agree on each item (though it helps), but you must at least be willing to accommodate the other's views on all of them. I strongly recommend getting the book and working through it together. It doesn't take long, and really helps you to get to know the other person and to cement a relationship (or to find out that they are not relationship material!). Keith
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