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From: D (98.236.191.163)
Subject:         is it possible to heal at this point? please read
Date: December 28, 2012 at 9:21 pm PST

Hello. I am very scared. I was unwell before, but completely stopped taking care of my health in any way. I was directly working against it even, it was some form of self-sabotage I don't know, but I sure did mess things up and want to know if it's possible to heal and what it will take-where to begin.

I was underweight but didn't have fat or muscle, then I started bingeing on fats and cooked foods in the middle of the night when not even hungry. I was never too thin from under-eating. I ate a very high amount of calories. I became more and more sedentary over time and had candida when I would overeat fruit. I wasn't being responsible. I had a lot of food available and would just eat it for no reason, there was zero hunger. Anyway, there was no compulsion to eat. I think I was trying to destroy myself, at least my actions showed that. I guess I just didn't like myself or something like that, but I had no reason not to. Now I sure do.

I ate a lot of high fat foods I didn't want that don't go together, caffeine, salt, cooked foods, and binged on fruits on top of that. These were bananas and dates too which makes it even worse. I ate things like high fat bars, pasta w/ high-sodium sauce, imitation soy cheese, cookies, etc. I ended up gaining a lot of weight, thinking I couldn't then becoming dehydrated and fooling myself into thinking I didn't gain the weight, but my clothes are very tight and the numbers on the scale went way up. This worries me because I am practically sedentary and there is no way any of it is muscle. I don't look good or feel good. I have a lot of health problems now and I don't eliminate the toxins. I never do anything to sweat and I haven't been eliminating well eating like that.

I don't want to ever buy larger clothes. I worked really hard to lose weight before and was in good health and fitness last year, but now I am worried I messed things up too bad.

Where do I begin? I am getting cold symptoms. I am not hungry which makes sense because I've been bingeing and sedentary. If I am 80 some pounds at 5'2 and basically all fat, how much do I even burn off in a day? 900 calories maximum? I assume I shouldn't eat since I'm not hungry. I'm not planning on doing a water fast forever, so when I do consume something, what should it be? I've had green juice and pasteurized coconut water. Is that good? I was bingeing on pasteurized juice before too. What will it take to lose weight? I feel like it will be really hard without the muscle and I don't know how. What do I need to do for fitness? How many calories can I burn and doing what? I've never exercised properly. I don't seem to know how to push myself ever. Do I need to get my heart rate up a certain amount? I never feel the weight exercises when I do them because I don't use proper form. I might do something like walk on a treadmill but I don't ever really work hard so it feels unfulfilling. Please someone help me know what's possible and what it takes. I'm sorry if this is long. I really need advice.

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