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From:	Vickie (2.26.254.120)
Subject:	Stand back, because here it all comes splattering out, like a big cathartic barf!
Date:	February 2, 2012 at 1:33 am PST

In Reply to: Re: I need to clear the air. posted by Just Me on February 1, 2012 at 2:09 pm:

Just Me, I am so sorry, too! I'm sorry my insecurities got the better of me. You see, it's not YOU it's this awful emotional place where *I* am !!! Something in Christopher's post above helped me to see that as well.

I am overly sensitive, feeling all alone and depressed because of the weather where I am. My husband and I can't move because of finances. We don't have a garden, not even a tiny patch of yard. We don't have a car. We can't grow anything, I'm scared we both have the beginning stages of cancer. We feel they often irradiate veg and fruit coming into the UK, they just don't admit it. The veg and fruit is always limp and soft, not like it should be. It's hard to source things. We just found out one of the leading organic dairies here feed their cows soy. As of 2007, 91% of soy was genetically modified. We feel helpless. I read about your organic food and I go cry my eyes out. Don't get me wrong, Just Me, dammit! I AM HAPPY FOR YOU that you HAVE THIS! I just wonder how my husband and I can survive in this place?

The ONLY pleasure he and I both have is our cooked evening meal, that's why we've been dithering about giving that up !!! We KNOW it's bad for us, we justify keeping on with it because the weather is horrendously cold, it's grey ugly skies, and it's been like that since October, and it's just about driven me insane. It really has.

I just want to cry all the time and throw everything away and go live in Spain or somewhere. I'm disorganized, enervated, just messed up.

Yet - still - I appreciate what we have! We have a roof over our heads, he has a good job, we have a computer. We eat raw breakfast, raw lunch. It is only the evening meal we must fix. Why in the world we are unable to go the whole distance, I just don't understand.

I'm sorry you weren't brought up in a home where you were complimented. I admire you so much, Just Me. You have helped so many people here by your intellect and ability to express yourself and get to the root of what the person needs and all the amazing resources you give people. I respect you and look up to you. You deserved MANY compliments in your home. You deserve them now as well because you are wonderful and caring and you make a BIG difference in this world.

Boy, I'm being more real with you than I would be with a priest! LOL

I'm afraid I have cancer. I don't want to go to the doctor. I've seen too many horror stories, firsthand and otherwise. It's easy to say you'll go for just a diagnosis, then they try to rope you in with chemo and radiation and shame you if you refuse.

If you've ever heard of Amy Winehouse (sadly she died last July), there is a part in her song Rehab that says: "Ohhh, I just need a friend." and that's how I feel right now. I have NO friends. Except for my husband, I am totally alone. To compound matters, my hearing is bad. Gosh, I guess I just need to go have a good cry somewhere and shut up, huh? LOL

“The most terrible poverty is loneliness, and the feeling of being unloved.”
― Mother Teresa

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