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From:	ellie (204.211.2.254)
Subject:	Re: Tantrums at meal time and refusal to eat
Date:	January 5, 2009 at 8:34 am PST

In Reply to: Tantrums at meal time and refusal to eat posted by Luna Silver on December 28, 2008 at 8:25 pm:

okay, he's three....so we don't expect a huge ability to inhibit impulsive behavior, but he's getting a little bit old for constant tantrums. A good place to begin is to take apart what happens just before the behavior: if he's waiting too long to eat, he could be getting cranky from being hungry. I'm going to assume he probably gets a midmorning and midafternoon snack that should be preventing this from happening. I'd recommend not giving him too many choices. No, I wouldn't force eating, but at his age, choices look like: "pick A or B. you can have either." but NOT "what would you like, dear?" uh uh. I also would be careful about what follows the behavior. If the whole family is sitting around the table trying to find ways to get him to stop tantruming and eat, that's really reinforcing to him. When he winds up, it's off to time-out for three minutes or until he calms, no exceptions. Kids do not, voluntarily, starve themselves. He will eat, sooner or later. IF this keeps up, your first stop is a child psychologist specializing in behavior problems. Somehow, something is reinforcing and maintaining this behavior. IF you ignore for a while and finally give in, I hate to tell you, that really creates a monster - you've basically gotten that behavior really entrenched. but it can be extinguished, fear not.

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