From: DonQuijote (c-66-176-141-189.se.client2.attbi.com -220.127.116.11)
Subject: No Lion No Problem!
Date: August 29, 2004 at 3:34 pm PST
"We can't accept any longer, given the changes in the world and the
attitude of the people, the law of the jungle"
-French President Jacques Chirac
HOW POLITICS WORKS
(This little, tiny story is part of a series, in which I explain to my
little daughter how things work.)
Politics works like this: Big People of Big Country buy Big People of
Little Country, who, by the way, will be elected in "democratic
elections" thanks to big bucks; Big People of Big Country give big
loans to Little Country (of course, to buy "made in Big Country"); Big
People of Little Country pocket a big chunk and invest it in the Big
Country, without ever investing in real development (education,
health, the environment, etc); Little People of Little Country work
for ever to pay back what they never got; Big People of Little Country
thank Big People of Big Country in the name of Little Country, and
promise to repay the big debt; and Little People of Little Country get
big promises, just like Little People of Big Country. And they lived
happily ever after...
HOW THE LAW WORKS... FOR THE BENEFIT OF THE LION
(This is part of a series of POLITICALLY CORRECT stories for little
children, who otherwise may not be ready to live in the Jungle.)
One day the King of the Jungle, tired of being called a "Tyrant,"
gathered the most cunning animals in the kingdom, chief among them the
Foxes... He said to them: "It's mighty unjust that I am not recognized
for what I am. You know full well that the best of my leftovers, if
any, go to the Little Animals... Well, I want you to write LAWS, so
from now on it'll be them, and not me, who would rule over this God
After a few months of hard deliberations (and a few "private parties"
and "business trips") the Foxes (now turned politicians) returned with
a long, long book of laws written in a language so hard to understand
to the Little Animals that they thought it was old Greek. After
translation, it started like this: "The animals with a mane will be
treated like kings; the animals with paws and teeth will be above the
Laws; and the animals who will represent the interests of the Little
Animals, us, will be granted a raise in benefits and status... Of
course, ALL FORMS OF DISCRIMINATION will be considered ILLEGAL, and
will result in the Lion eating the Little Animal..."
THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE
Once upon a time, in the deep jungle, lived a Lion and a Monkey... One
day the Monkey, tired of the Lion always taking the LION'S SHARE, and
seeing that such injustice represented a danger to all the species of
the jungle, demanded JUSTICE... The Lion, yawning and stretching,
said, "You would have to have paws and sharp teeth..." Then the
Monkey, who was very clever, devised a plan: He would go to the
costume store, and look like a lion...
When the Lion saw him, noticing that the new lion wasn't a match for
him, and fearing COMPETITION, killed him on the spot --before the
indifferent look of the little animals of the jungle... And that's how
the Law of the Jungle was re-established one more time...
NOTE: Other monkeys survived him...
THE LAW OF THE JUNGLE II
After killing the monkey dressed as a lion, the Lion gathered all the
little animals of the jungle and announced: "Today we have
successfully eradicated one of the major threats to the peace and
order of our jungle... Yes, a new lion, probably envious of us,
attacked without warning... Luckily --because you know how good is
suffering for the spirit-- your sacrifice gave me strong paws and
teeth... And yes, these mighty weapons were so useful to me that I
finished him off without a sweat... Anyhow, now it turns out that some
other of his accomplices are roaming around and trying to attack us...
So get ready for more suffering and restrictions, if not for a
catastrophe... But, of course, there's a place for you in heaven..."
Meanwhile, one of the little animals --who had been grazing all along--
asked another, "What did he say?" "I think he said something about a
new lion," answered the other. To which the first animal
replied, "Another one!?"
Moral: We don't need lions or violent monkeys that become lions. No
Lion No Problem!
HOW THE LION BENEFITS FROM THE LITTLE ANIMALS' POVERTY
One day all the little animals went up to the King of the Jungle and
complained about their poverty, and in particular about the fact that
every time, during the dry season, they had to travel long distances
to drink the precious fluid, and demanded a WATER WELL be built for
them... They cited how the resources that they contributed to the
kingdom were wasted in WARS and EXTRAVAGANT PROJECTS to the tastes of
the King... He, however, replied with all kinds of excuses: the lack
of resources, that it wasn't a matter of him not wanting it, but that
it was a matter of "priorities" --which was one of his favorite
Meanwhile, an Owl --who had very good eyes-- had been observing life
in the jungle, and thought this way: "Every time there's a dry season
the little animals must come to the little dirty waterhole where the
Lion waits for them... Had they been well fed and strong, he would
have had to run after them and even risk resistance. And, more
importantly, the little animals are forced to fight the Lion's wars as
the only way out of poverty..."
And that's how the Owl landed an important --and well paid-- post in
the brand new Astronomy Department created by the King of the Jungle --
to the effect of exploring life in other planets...
Moral: The little animals need their own well (self-employment,
cooperatives, etc), but no one will build it for them, but
"What worries me is not the violence of the few, but the indifference
of the many"