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From: John (HI) (
Subject:         Quickies
Date: September 12, 2017 at 6:16 pm PST

You could take your kids out to a restaurant, or just cut
out the middle man and spill a drink, throw some crayons
under the table, and light $40 on fire.

I went to a new chicken place and asked them how they
prepare their chickens. The waitress said, "We just tell
them they're going to die."

Arguing with your wife is like reading the Software License
Agreement. In the end, you ignore everything and click "I

Smoking will kill you ... Bacon will kill you ... But -
smoking bacon will cure it.

If you enjoy arguing about lunches at 6 AM, I can't
recommend parenting highly enough.

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