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From: John(HI) (72.130.111.84)
Subject:         A few funnies
Date: September 1, 2015 at 5:55 pm PST

The Irish Railway Company Complaint Letter...

The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gentlemen,

I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.

Yours truly,
Sean Flanagan

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Dear Mr. Flanagan,

We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.

Sincerely,
Irish Railway Company

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Gentlemen,

I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history. If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.

That.... Gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!

Yours truly,
Sean Flanagan.
--------------------------------------
Quickies...

Auto-correct has become my worst enema.

I love long walks on the beach with my wife ... until the drugs wear off and I realize I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a Wal-Mart parking lot.....
----------------------------------------------
On De Plane...

A man boarded a plane with six kids. After they got settled in their seats the woman sitting across the aisle leaned over to him and asked, "Are all of those kids yours?" "No Ma'am," he replied, "I work for a condom company. These are customer complaints."
------------------------------------
Just Curious...

There's a new cafe in New York City where guys go in and they can scan profiles of women who are already in the place, and if they find a woman that's interesting to them, for the price of a cover charge, the staff will arrange an introduction. Hmm? Didn't that used to be called a brothel?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
At Wal-Mart...

Then there’s this story about a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart only to have it break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of legs protruding from under the chassis. Although he was in shorts, his lack of underwear turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully step stepped forward, quickly put her hand up his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The roadside mechanic however, had to have three stitches sewn into his forehead.

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