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From: John(HI) (72.130.111.84)
Subject:         Adult Truths
Date: September 1, 2015 at 5:34 pm PST

1.. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.
Don't keep looking; you'll wear out your watch.

2.. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.
But never admit it, especially if you are arguing with a spouse.

3.. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
Make up for it with extra naps.

4.. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
This one might do.

5.. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
Did you know that you can't fold any sheet in half more than 6 times? No sheet.

6.. Was learning cursive really necessary?
It may help when trying to read a prescription. But probably not.

7.. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
If you live in Detroit, you need to get out of your neighborhood ASAP!

8.. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.
In some papers the obits indicate that people die alphabetically. And cemeteries are very popular - people are just dying to get in.

9.. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.
Not taking enough make-up naps.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.
Not making decisions mean you're living by default. So you must be in California.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
If you're not having sex anymore, you're probably right.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blu-ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.
Some started their ignoring whatever came after 33, 45, and 78.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.
...And seldom is heard a discouraging Word...

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
You're lucky if you still can hear the phone ring.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
Only if your freezer wants to smoke.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.
It's not so important how or where they begin as what they might lead to.

17. I wish ! Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.
If you're from "da hood" don't wear a hood when you venture out of the ghetto.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.
The key is frequent snacking.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
On most occasions once is more than enough.

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
Now we must figure out a way to prevent the jerk from standing with a full basket in the "10 items only" line at the supermarket.

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
But you should put them on one leg at a time.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.
That's alarming!

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.
And the first condom also was used before the helmet.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing.
Life just gets better as you get older, doesn't it?
I was in a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to f art.
The place was packed but the music was really loud so to get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my fa rts to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs I started to feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me�.I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my Ipod�... and how was your day?
It was worse for us - we were at Starbucks in the line behind you.

This is what happens when old people start using technology!

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