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From: John (HI) (
Subject:         Darwin Awards
Date: June 28, 2015 at 6:49 pm PST

The Darwin awards are given each year to bestow upon (the remains of) the individual, who through single-minded self-sacrifice has done the most to remove undesirable elements from the human gene pool. The winner this year is the late John Pernicky and his friend, the late Sal Hawkins, of the great state of Washington. It seems they decided to attend a local Metallica concert at the George Washington amphitheater. Having no tickets (but having had 18 beers between them), they thought it would be easy to "hop" over the nine-foot fence and sneak into the show. They pulled their pickup truck over to the fence, and the plan was for Mr. Pernicky, who was 100 pounds heavier than Mr. Hawkins, to hop the fence and then assist his friend over.

Unfortunately for Mr. Pernicky, there was a 30-foot drop on the other side of the fence. Having heaved himself over, he found himself crashing through a tree. His fall was abruptly halted (and broken, along with his arm) by a large branch that snagged him by his shorts. Dangling from the tree with a broken arm, he looked down and saw some bushes below him.

Possibly figuring the bushes would break his fall, he removed his pocket kn ife and proceeded to cut away his shorts to free himself from the tree. Finally free, Mr. Pernicky crashed into holly bushes. The sharp leaves scratched his ENTIRE body and worse, without the protection of his shorts, a holly branch penetrated his rec tum. And to make matters worse still, on landing, his pocket kn ife penetrated his thigh.

Mr. Hawkins, seeing his friend in considerable pain and agony, threw him a rope and tried to pull him to safety by tying the rope to the trailer hitch on the pickup truck and slowly driving away. However, in his drunken haste/state, he put the truck into reverse and crashed through the fence landing 30' below atop his friend, instantly kil ling him.

Police arrived to find the crashed pickup with its driver thrown about 100' from the truck and de ad from massive internal injuries. Upon moving the truck, they found John under it half-nak ed, scratches on his body, a holly stick in his rec tum, a kn ife in his thigh, and his shorts dangling from a tree branch 25 feet in the air.

Hearty congratulations gentlemen, you deservedly won...

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