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From: John (HI) (
Subject:         Blonde jokes
Date: May 15, 2015 at 9:51 pm PST

For a change, the butts of these jokes happen to be blond men not blonde women, but any butt could be substituted; you are free to choose your own ethnicity, race, religion, emigrant, college student, etc, that you may wish to denigrate.

A blond is in the bathroom. His wife shouts: "Did you find the shampoo?"
He replies, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
A blond goes to the vet with his goldfish.
"I think it's got epilepsy," he tells the vet.
The vet takes a look and says, "It seems calm enough to me."
The blond says, "Wait, I haven't taken it out of the bowl yet."
A blond man spies a letter lying on his doormat.
It says on the envelope "DO NOT BEND ".
He spends the next 2 hours trying to figure out how to pick it up.
A blond shouts frantically into the phone,
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No!" he shouts, "this is her husband!"
A blond was driving on an unfamiliar road when, suddenly, he has to swerve
to avoid a tree, then another, then another.
A cop pulls him over, and he tells the cop about all the trees in the road.
The cop says, "Mister, that's your pine scent air freshener swinging under your
rear view mirror!"
A blond man's dog goes missing and he is frantic.
His wife says "Why don't You put an ad in the paper?"
He does, but two weeks later the dog is still missing.
"What did you put in the paper?" his wife asks.
"Here boy!" he replies.

A jail guard looks at a blond in his cell and sees him hanging by his feet.
"Just WHAT are you doing?" he asks.
"Hanging myself," the blond replies.
"If you were serious the rope would be around your neck" says the guard.
"I tried that," the prisoner replies, "but then I couldn't breathe."
(This one is not a blond joke; it actually makes sense.)
A woman, watching an undersea movie, asked her husband, "Why do scuba divers always fall backwards from their boats?" To which her husband replied,
"If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
A friend made this observation to a blond friend:
"Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond replied, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Two blond men find three
grenades, and they decide to take them to a police Station.
One asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
A woman phoned her blond neighbor and said:
"Close your curtains the Next time you & your wife are having sex.
The whole street was watching and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond man replied:
"Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."

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