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From: John (HI) (
Subject:         Random Ramblings
Date: April 27, 2015 at 10:35 am PST

Wouldn't it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes; come out wrinkle-free and three sizes smaller?

I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks.

My people skills are just fine. It's my intolerance to idiots that needs work.

Old age is coming at a really bad time.

When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a grown up, it just feels like a mini-vacation.

The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down, I'll remember it."

I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights. I'm just very wise.

The kids text me "plz" -- which is shorter than please. I text back "no" which is shorter and less expensive than "yes."

I'm going to retire and live off my savings. Not sure what I'll do that second week.

Even duct tape can't fix stupid (but it can muffle the sound).

Why do I have to press one for English when you're just gonna transfer me to someone I can't understand anyway?

Of course I talk to myself; sometimes I need expert advice.

Oops! Did I just roll my eyes out loud?

At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering what I came in there for.

Now y'all know what I do in my spare time.

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