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From: John(HI) (
Subject:         Church bulletins (An Oldie)
Date: July 9, 2009 at 6:04 pm PST

Thank God for church ladies with typewriters.. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services. ---------------------------------------------------------
The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals. ----------------------------------------------------------
The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.' ----------------------------------------------------------
Our youth basketball team is back in action Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come out and watch us kill Christ the King.
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Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. ----------------------------------------------------------
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.. ----------------------------------------------------------
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you. ---------------------------------------------------------
Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help. ---------------------------------------------------------
Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation. --------------------------------------------------
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs. ----------------------------------------------------------
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get. ----------------------------------------------------------
The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: 'Break Forth Into Joy.' ---------------------------------------------------------
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. ---------------------------------------------------------
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.
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At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?'. Come early and listen to our choir practice.. ---------------------------------------------------------
Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones. ---------------------------------------------------------
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled.
Proceeds will be used to cripple children. ---------------------------------------------------------
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered. ---------------------------------------------------------
The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.
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Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.
The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind.
They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon. ----------------------------------------------------------
This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church.
Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin. ---------------------------------------------------------
Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B. S. Is done.
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The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.
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Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door. ---------------------------------------------------------
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy. ----------------------------------------------------------
Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance. ----------------------------------------------------------
The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: ''I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours'

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