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From: John(HI) (cpe-66-91-32-160.hawaii.res.rr.com)
Subject:         Redneck Church
Date: April 24, 2007 at 4:36 pm PST

1. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...the finance
committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier
because none of the members knows how to play one.

2. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if… people ask, when
they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or
catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em.

3. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if… when the pastor
says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering," five guys
and two women stand up.

4. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if… opening day of deer
season is recognized as an official church holiday.

5. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... a member of the
church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It
ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of"

6. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if... the choir is
known as the "OK Chorale".

7. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... in a
congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the
church directory.

8. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... people think
"rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy.

9. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if ... the baptismal
pool is a #2 galvanized "Wheel-in" washtub.

10. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...the choir robes were
donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue.

11. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...the collection plates
are really hubcaps from a'56 Chevy.

12. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...instead of a bell you
are called to service by a duck call.

13. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...the minister and his
wife drive matching pickup trucks.

14. You Know You're in a Redneck Church if...the communion wine is
Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink"

15. You know You're in a Redneck Church if...the final words of the
benediction are, "Y'all come back now, Ya hear"

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