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From: John(HI) (cpe-24-165-46-47.hawaii.res.rr.com)
Subject:         $2 Bill
Date: November 25, 2005 at 5:07 pm PST

I am STILL laughing!! Many of today's youth are terribly challenged
without a computer to tell them what to do!! The story is funny. Lack of
education is not funny!!

On my way home from work, I stopped at Taco Bell for a quick bite to
eat. In my billfold are a $50 bill and a $2 bill. I figure that with a $2
bill, I can get something to eat and not have to worry about anyone getting
irritated at me for trying to break a $50 bill.

Me: "Hi, I'd like one seven-layer burrito please, to go."

Server: "That'll be $1.04. Eat in?"

Me: "No, it's to go." At this point, I open my billfold and hand
him the $2 bill. He looks at it kind of funny.

Server: "Uh, hang on a sec, I'll be right back." He goes to talk to
his manager, who is still within my earshot. The following conversation
occurs between the two of them:
Server: "Hey, you ever see a $2 bill?"
Manager: "No. A what?"
Server: "A $2 bill. This guy just gave it to me."
Manager: "Ask for something else. There's no such thing as a $2 bill."
Server: "Yeah, thought so."

He comes back to me and says, "We don't take these. Do you have
anything else?"

Me: "Just this fifty. You don't take $2 bills? Why?"

Server: "I don't know."

Me: "See here where it says legal tender?"

Server: "Yeah."

Me: "So, why won't you take it?"

Server: "Well, hang on a sec."

He goes back to his manager, who has been watching me like I'm a
shoplifter, and says to him, "He says I have to take it."

Manager: "Doesn't he have anything else?"

Server: "Yeah, a fifty. I'll get it and you can open the safe and
get change "

Manager: "I'm not opening the safe with him in here."

Server: "What should I do?"

Manager: "Tell him to come back later when he has real money."

Server: "I can't tell him that! You tell him."

Manager: "Just tell him."

Server: "No way! This is weird. I'm going in back."

The manager approaches me and says, "I'm sorry, but we don't take
big bills this time of night."

Me: "It's only seven o'clock! Well then, here's a two dollar bill."

Manager: "We don't take those, either."

Me: "Why not?"

Manager: "I think you know why."

Me: "No really, tell me why."

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "Excuse me?"

Manager: "Please leave before I call mall security."

Me: "What on earth for?"

Manager: "Please, sir."

Me: "Uh, go ahead, call them."

Manager: "Would you please just leave?"

Me: "No."

Manager: "Fine -- have it your way then."

Me: "Hey, that's Burger King, isn't it?"

At this point, he backs away from me and calls mall security on the
phone around the corner. I have two people staring at me from the dining
area, and I begin laughing out loud, just for effect. A few minutes later
this 45-year-oldish guy comes in.

Guard: "Yeah, Mike, what's up?"

Manager (whispering): "This guy is trying to give me some (pause)
funny money."

Guard: "No kidding! What?"

Manager: "Get this ... a two dollar bill."

Guard (incredulous): "Why would a guy fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know. He's kinda weird. He says the only other
thing he has is a fifty."

Guard: "Oh, so the fifty's fake!"

Manager: "No, the two dollar bill is."

Guard: "Why would he fake a two dollar bill?"

Manager: "I don't know! Can you talk to him, and get him out of
here?"

Guard: "Yeah."

Security Guard walks over to me and......

Guard: "Mike here tells me you have some fake bills you're trying to
use."

Me: "Uh, no."

Guard: "Lemme see 'em."

Me: "Why?"

Guard: "Do you want me to get the cops in here?"

At this point I am ready to say, "Sure, please!" but I want to eat,
so I say "I'm just trying to buy a burrito and pay for it with this two
dollar bill.

I put the bill up near his face, and he flinches like I'm taking a
swing at him. He takes the bill, turns it over a few times in his hands, and
says, "Hey, Mike, what's wrong with this bill?"

Manager: "It's fake."

Guard: "It doesn't look fake to me."

Manager: "But it's a two dollar bill."

Guard: "Yeah?"

Manager: "Well, there's no such thing, is there?"

The security guard and I both look at him like he's an idiot, and it
dawns on the guy that he has no clue.

So, it turns out that my burrito was free, and he threw in a small
drink and some of those cinnamon thingies, too.

Made me want to get a whole stack of two dollar bills just to see
what happens when I try to buy stuff. If I got the right group of people,
I could probably end up in jail. You get free food there, too!

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