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From: John(HI) (cpe-66-91-204-189.hawaii.res.rr.com)
Subject:         True Medical Tales (old , but still funny)
Date: November 2, 2007 at 4:03 pm PST

1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong one.

Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX.

2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a stethoscope
on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall.
"Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the
patient.

Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA.

3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of
the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg

4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having
trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch,
the nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and now I'm
running out of pl aces to put it!" I had him quickly undress, and
discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty
patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old
patch before applying a new one.

Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA.

5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete
confusion, she answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my
husband was alive."

Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR.

6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your
breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky
Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste," the patient replied. I
then asked to see the jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet
labeled "KY Jelly."

Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI.

7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a
young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker mohawk, sporting
a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was
quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was
scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the
operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass."
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

Submitted by RN, no name

AND FINALLY!!!...

8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB, I was
quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams. To cover my
embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst
out laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from my work and
sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No
doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar
Meyer Wiener."

Doctor wouldn't submit his name (Can't blame him!)

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