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From: anonymous (
Subject:         Stupid Traveler Comments
Date: October 11, 2007 at 6:21 am PST

Stupid Traveler Comments (along with travel agents' UNSPOKEN responses).

Please send a quote for a weeklong Costa Rica package with adventure in the jungle.
(One helicopter drop, battle dress included, coming right up.)

How can I leave Baltimore at 8:30 a.m. and get to Chicago at 8:35 a.m. when the flight takes an hour?
(The plane flies really, really fast.)

When am I going to receive my paper copy of the electronic ticket?
(Uhm, what part of the word "electronic" has escaped you?)

How much is a train to Jamaica?
(We're sold out, but if you call Amtrak, they have space. Be sure to ask for a seat on the left side of the train so you don't miss the Lost City of Atlantis on the way down.)

Is Canada still the largest state?
(They seem to think so.)

A Visa? Don't they take American Express?
(No, in China they take only French francs. But we still need to get you a visa.)

Why do I need to change clothes in Chicago?
(Planes, ma'am. Planes. You change planes in Chicago.)

Does it really rain in the rain forest?
Does a bear really...)

Do you know what time the midnight buffet starts?
(They are cutting costs, so now it's offered between 4:30 a.m. and 4:35 a.m.)

Will the 24-hour cafe be open if I need to get a bite at 6 a.m.?
(Ask the woman in line for the midnight buffet.)

Where is the best spot to watch the fireworks in London on the Fourth of July?
(Come on, Yank. Just think about this for a nanosecond.)

My friend told me about a great hotel in Italy and it begins with a "B."
(I know exactly which one it is. Can I have your credit card please?)

Do I need a passport to go to Hawaii?
(No, but a clue would be nice.)

If I convert $1,000 to the local currency, how much is it in U.S. dollars?
(Sir, the Wharton School is on the line for you. They have an opening.)

Does the water go all the way around this island?
(Not on Tuesdays.)

The hotel would have been fine but all the employees were speaking Spanish.
(The next time you are in Mexico, we will order some French-speaking Mexicans for your convenience.)

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