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From: anonymous (
Subject:         The Gospel of Golf
Date: September 8, 2007 at 6:01 pm PST

The Gospel According to St. Callaway

1. Eighteen holes of match play will teach you more about your foe than 18 years of dealing with him across a desk. -- Grantland Rice

2. Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five. -- John Updike

3. It is almost impossible to remember how tragic a place the world is when one is playing golf. -- Robert Lynd

4. If profanity had any influence on the flight of the ball, the game of golf would be played far better than it is. -- Horace G. Hutchinson

5. They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that. --
Gardner Dickinson

6. If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork as poorly as they do a golf club, they'd starve to death. -- Sam Snead

7. Golf is a day spent in a round of strenuous idleness. -- William Wordsworth

8. If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. -- Dean Martin

9. If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you don't have to waste energy going back to pick it up. -- Tommy Bolt

10. Man blames fate for all other accidents, but feels personally responsible when he makes a hole-in-one. -- Bishop Sheen

11. I didn't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced. -- Arnold Palmer

12. My handicap? Woods and irons. -- Chris Codiroli

13. The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
-- Pete Dye

14. I'm hitting the woods just great; but having a terrible time getting out of them! -- Buddy Hackett

15. The only time my prayers are never answered is playing golf. -- Billy Graham

16. If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. -- Jack Lemmon

17. It 's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. -- Mark Twain

18. Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. -- Harry Vardon

19. Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at either of them. --
Jimmy DeMaret

20. May thy ball lie in green pastures, and not in still waters. -- Ben Hogan

21. Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe. --
Lee Trevino

22. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. -- George Deukmejian

And Finally.

23. If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook. If I hit it straight, it's a miracle. -- Big Bertha

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