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From:	Bart (129.171.32.13)
Subject:	To be a Republican today you need to believe:
Date:	June 25, 2008 at 3:03 pm PST

To be a Republican today you need to believe:

1. Jesus loves you, and shares your hatred of homosexuals and Barack Obama.

2. Saddam was a good guy when Reagan armed him, a bad guy when Bush's Daddy made war on him, a good guy when Cheney did business with him, and a bad guy when Bush needed a "we can't find Bin Laden" diversion.

3. Trade with Cuba is wrong because the country is Communist, but trade with China and Viet Nam is vital to a spirit of international harmony.

4. The United States should get out of the United Nations, and our highest national priority is enforcing U.N. resolutions against Iraq.

5. The best way to improve military morale is to praise the troops in speeches, while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.

6. If condoms are kept out of schools, adolescents won't have sex.

7. A good way to fight terrorism is to belittle our longtime allies, then demand their cooperation and money.

8. Providing health care to all Iraqis is sound policy, but providing health care to all Americans is socialism. HMO's and insurance companies have the best interests of the public at heart.

9. Global warming and tobacco's link to cancer are junk science, but creationism should be taught in schools.

10. A president lying about an extramarital affair is an impeachable offense, but a president lying to enlist support for a war in which thousands die is solid defense policy.

11. Government should limit itself to the powers named in the Constitution, which include banning gay marriages and censoring the Internet.

12. Being a drug addict is a moral failing and a crime, unless you're a conservative radio host. Then it's an illness and you need our prayers for your recovery.

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