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From: Rocket Scientist (proxy1d.external.lmco.com)
Subject: Need exercise help.
Date: July 18, 2005 at 8:04 am PST

Good morning all,

This is my first time posting on this board, and I hope someone will have some ideas for me.

I've been struggling with the exercise issue for a long time - like years. This weekend, a few things happened to make me consider it again. I'll try to keep this short...

Basically, I have a long-standing problem with depression which has recently flared up again. Normally, I don't get it in the summer, which is why it's particularly alarming. While it does come and go on almost an hourly basis, generally speaking, I'm very down on myself these days and down on life in general, and I can't shake it. I have done *so much* over the years to try to deal with this. Overall, it's gotten better, but I can't seem to beat it permanently. It's like it steals weeks or months out of my life.

Okay. The only two things I've never tried to beat this are drugs, and exercise. That's right, I'm now looking at exercise as a last resort. Right now, the only exercise I get is taking 4 flights of stairs to my office each day, and my Qi Gong class twice a week (and that's not really much of a workout). Why, you ask, would an intelligent, informed woman be so bad at the exercise thing? Because I just flat hate doing it. I hate running. I can't bike for more than 5 minutes before I'm exhausted (and I'm helpless if I get a flat or anything). Aerobics class - after 15 minutes I thought I'd die. Same with swimming - plus the vast majority of the time it's too cold here to swim. Don't even try putting me on a treadmill or exercise bike. I just can't stay motivated to stick with those, and yes, I've tried all these. I was doing okay with walking for awhile, then I realized that in those 30-min. walks, I'd start *thinking*. About how dissatisfied I am with my life, and I'd come home hating the world. So the vicious cycle continues. (It's ironic that if you put me in Disney World, I can walk for 8 hours no problem!) Pretty much all the standard types of exercise, I just can't stand, and I won't do it - won't stick with it. And once winter starts here, pretty much all outdoor activities are out of the question for me. (Not that I do much anyway.)

I'm at my wit's end on both fronts. The depression is causing me considerable trouble, and I don't feel I can continue living with it. But I can't see a way to really make exercise work for me on a daily basis. By the way, time *is* a factor also. I made time for the Qi Gong class twice a week by giving up having a decent meal at a reasonable hour those nights. At this point, I'm starting to think that's a fair trade-off, considering the circumstances, and I'm also thinking I'd be willing to give up a lot more, just to find some way to fix this problem.

I'm open to any suggestions. I *really* need to find a way to make this work in my life, somehow, and I'm out of ideas. Meanwhile, I'm going to try to get back into walking, at least temporarily - come fall, I won't be able to anyway. There simply must be some kind of answer!

RS



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