Reply To This Post         Return to Posts Index           VegSource Home

From:	Rocket Scientist (proxy1d.external.lmco.com)
Subject:	Re: weightloss sabotage
Date:	January 11, 2006 at 11:52 am PST

In Reply to: Re: weightloss sabotage posted by Jane123 on January 11, 2006 at 8:38 am:

Yes, it was harsh advice. Not knowing any more of the situation than you said (that is, "sabotage"), I gave you the best advice I could, as kindly as I could. I try to do nothing less on this board! (Also, when I am concerned that someone might be in an abusive situation, my ire gets up - I'm really glad that's not happening to you.) I'll try to offer a bit more relevant advice.

I'm glad he is not abusing you or manipulating you - the stories I've heard of that happening are really aweful!

I guess I'm kind of wondering, now, what your priority is. Is this an issue of him "making it hard" for you to lose weight, or of him "not understanding" why you want to be Vegan? Or is it just learning how to handle temptation without giving in? Because in my experience, those are all separate issues and must be handled in different ways. What is it you want to achieve?

There are some people out there, good, smart people, who absolutely will never "get it." They just won't ever understand why the ethical issues of Veg-ism are important, worthy of sacrifices and inconvenience. And there are also people who will never "get it" on the health issue, doesn't matter what you give them to read. I've had people tell me how I'm "really missing out on a lot of good food." Just a few weeks ago, I had a guy say point-blank to my face that if I just had ONE really well-cooked steak, I'd have no desire to be vegetarian! I informed him I've had several in my life, but I have no temptation whatever to eat them now.

Your BF might be one of those people who simply won't ever get it, simply can't fathom life without meat. Doesn't mean he's a bad guy.

Have you talked to him about it from the perspective that it is very important to *you*, and regardless of whether he likes Veganism or meat or whatever, you want and need his support so you can do the right thing in your life and for your health? He may have some notion that you want to change him, to somehow turn into a big animal-rights protestor, or to push tofu on all his friends. Maybe his friends and family have expressed concerns like this to him. He may just need you to reassure him, clarify your expecations.

Also, you said something about temptation. I don't know if there is any really good method for dealing with that. But I think you have to start with understanding what your "triggers" are. Some people get triggered by stress (like me), some by arguements or not enough sleep. And some get triggered by having it in the house, or when the people they're close to are eating it.

Do you only eat the "bad stuff" when your BF is eating it? Then you may need to agree that meals at home will be only vegetarian - or at least, sme meals vegetarian. Do you head for a midnight snack if you know there's ice cream in the freezer, but no other time? Then you may need to ban ice cream (or other tempting stuff) from the house. Your BF could still eat it if he wants, but not in the house. These are just examples that I've heard "mixed couples" (as they're often called on VegSource) say work well for them. If the two of you talk about it, have a brainstorming session, you'll probably come up with a plan that will work. And again, he doesn't have to necessarily "agree" with or understand Veganism, or healthy weight loss, in order to support you.

By the way, I once broke myself of a bad habit - I always wanted to buy cookies at the store. I decided that if I needed cookies so badly, I'd either buy the really expensive fancy gourmet kind, or I'd make my own. Couldn't afford the former, so I did the latter, using whole grains, little fat and sugar. And I learned to limit myself to 1 or 2 a day - eventually just 1 a day (and lately none), and also I learned to appreciate them a lot more. Once in awhile, I do buy the expensive gourmet ones, but only as a treat. So in that case, creativity helped me curtail, then cure, a bad habit! Don't be afraid to think outside the box.

I've heard that the book _Living Among Meat Eaters_ by Carol Adams addresses some of the issues of people endlessly questioning veg-ism, etc, and how to handle it. I don't know if she deals with romantic or household relationships, but you could try finding the book at the library and see. Maybe it would help.

Hopefully I got a little nearer the mark this time! Let us know how it works out and if you find some creative ideas for managing these issues. Good luck!

RS

Reply To This Post         Return to Posts Index           VegSource Home