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From: Jo Stepaniak (
Subject: Re: need an ear.....
Date: July 3, 2009 at 7:29 am PST

In Reply to: need an ear..... posted by Echo on July 2, 2009 at 6:06 pm:

Hi, Echo. How wonderful that you've made some new friends and found some walking buddies. I think it is also good that you have met your first gay woman friend and are stretching your heart and mind.

I do find it humorous when straight women believe that gay women would be attracted to them, and they conseqently think they need to be on guard. Straight men seem to feel similarly about gay men. It's really silly, when you think about it. First, are all straight men attracted to you? Of course not! And are you attracted to all straight men? Doubtful. So why would a gay woman, in a committed relationship, be interested in you? And even if she were, so what? What would you do if a straight guy hit on you and you weren't the least bit interested in that kind of relationship with him? Would that be scary? Unlikely. So why would it be any different if a gay woman you were not interested in came on to you?

Your fears are stemming from the unknown and irrational myths our culture has perpetuated. They aren't founded in reality. Once you get to know this woman better, you might try talking to her about your fears and concerns. I wouldn't be surprised if she told you, no, she is not attracted to you and has no interest in anything but a platonic friendship. But, in the unlikely event she did say she was interested in something more than friendship, at least the issue would be on the table, out in the open, and not a big pink elephant following you every time you got together.

Enjoy your new friend and allow yourself to grow in ways you never imagined. You will be a better woman for having known her and for confronting your own prejudices, stereotypes, and false fears.

Let me know how it goes, please.


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