(Note to Reditors -- I tried posting this on Reddit, but it is too long and was rejected.  (I previously posted the first excerpt from this diary at http://www.reddit.com/r/history/comments/16pw1a/my_greatgreatgrandfather_was_a_lieutenant_of/ ) 

My grandmother and her brother transcribed this typed version from a written diary. To my knowledge, this personal history has not been released publicly anywhere. After interest from some Redditors in r/history I am posting the full diary documenting some of my great-great-grandfather's Civil War experiences.

My great-great-grandfather, Joseph Simpson McClelland, was from Tiffen, Ohio, and went on to become a newspaper publisher after the Civil War. He enlisted into the Union Army on September 11, 1863, in Seneca County, Ohio, to serve three years during the war. He was mustered in the U.S. service as 2nd Lieutenant of Captain George B. Cock's COMPANY "G", 5TH REGIMENT UNITED STATES COLORED TROOPS, Colonel James W. Conine commanding.

My father's cousin now has the diary which I am excerpting here. As you can read below, it is a series of incidents my great-great-grandfather recalled and decided to write down about 40 years after the war, in the early 20^th Century:

* * *

My first experience as a soldier was in West Virginia. We went out one night from Clarksburg to a little village a few miles south, arriving there at midnight, where we camped in a church. I was given eight men at daylight to go to a house and arrest a man for enticing young men to join the rebel army. I put my men on guard at each door and window and then knocked at the front door.

A woman's voice asked, "Who is there?"

I replied, "Soldiers."

"What do you want?"

"Breakfast."

"There is no one here to prepare it."

"Why can't you?" I asked.

Then came the reply, "I don't work."

"Well, I have a cook with me."

"You can't get in here, there's no one here but me."

I then gave her just five minutes to open the door or I would break it in. The key could be heard turning in the lock and a small black head peered out.

"Is your master in?" I inquired of the little black girl.

When she said, "No," I forced my way into the house and the men searched it thoroughly, but found no one.

We soon sat down to a good breakfast, but the madam was wonderfully bitter. She did all the talking and I forbade the boys to say anything.

Our command left the town soon afterwards but returned just before noon the next day. When we returned to the house, the lady opened the door for me and burst out crying. I thus knew that I had caught her husband. I soon arrested him, and, as they were just sitting down to a fine dinner, I took possession and asked them to have dinner with me, which they did. The lady had lost her fire and temper and acted very gently; I admired her very much. After dinner, I marched the man to headquarters. I learned afterwards he was sent north and remained a prisoner at Camp Chase, Ohio, until the end of the war.

* * *

The 5^th Regiment of the United States Colored Infantry was organized at Camp Chase, Ohio, and I received a commission as a 2^nd lieutenant in company “G.” We first went to Norfolk, Virginia, and made a raid from there through the Dismal Swamp to Elizabeth City, North Carolina. No hostile forces had been through that region so we lived high on turkey, chick, pork, etc.

The first day out, in passing through a dense wood, I stepped to the side of the road to rest and the next thing I knew, I was alone and the troops were just moving out of sight. I finally managed to attract attention and was assisted into an ambulance. I was sick for several days and although we were in a country swarming with guerillas, I refused to return to camp. We went to Elizabeth City where we tore down houses for firewood. We stayed there for only a few days.

On our return the troops were fired on by guerillas and two of my men were killed the first time we were under fire. The next day we burned every house in that region and then made a hurried march to Cirrintuck as a rebel force was trying to cut us off from Norfolk. We made good time and got out of their reach.

* * *

We were next sent to Yorktown, Virginia, and finally marched across to Ft. Monroe. On the 5^th day of May we steamed up the James River to City Point. Having been detailed to command the pioneer corps, we were the first to contact the rebel pickets [soldiers], who hurriedly fled before us. When Gilmore made his feeble attack on the Petersburg defenses, I was again in the advance with the pioneers and we were for the first time under artillery fire. We returned to City Point and on the 15^th of June again attacked the defense of Petersburg. Here we made our first charge, carrying all the works on our front. We captured seventeen twelve pound Napoleans (brass). When I got to the guns they were so hot I could not bear my hand on them. They had been used so frequently firing at us.

That day while my company was supporting a battery, I saw a shell come bounding along and put my foot out to stop it. Fortunately it was too far off, otherwise I might have lost a leg as another officer did the next day. In this charge a shell broke off the butt of Sergt. De Long's gun, who was next on my left. It struck me on the left leg, causing occasional lameness from that day to this, nearly forty years later. This was my only wound during the war.

We lay for months in trenches around Petersburg, making occasional attacks on the works there and at Richmond. On one of these attacks on the latter place we marched away to our right to near the York (?) Railroad and met with an overwhelming defeat. Retreating some ten miles that night in a severe rain we lay down to sleep. Captain Bates having a rubber blanket and I a woolen one, we joined forces and slept together. In the morning our pants were frozen solid above the knees. The weather was very cold and the suffering great.

At another time we crossed the James River at Deep Bottom and attacked the rebels at Chapins Farm Ft. Harrison by assault but we were repulsed the next day at Ft. Gilmer. The color bear being shot, we lost our colors, but they were restored the next day. In three days we lost 333 out of 656 men in our regiment.

* * *

We lay so long in the trenches without any vegetables that the scurvy broke out. Carloads of onions were sent to us and we could eat them like apples. On Thanksgiving Day there were carloads of turkey sent to the army; to the men they were a gift, but the officers had to pay for theirs.

While encamped on Chapin's farm we were paid off. As I was the regimental quartermaster, I was about the only officer who could take the mens' money to the express office. They gave me about $3,000, and, going to Bermuda Hundred, I had to ride two miles north and six miles east to the express office.

When I got about a half mile from the camp I met Kantry's cavalry and artillery companies coming as hard as they could go; they had been whipped and were demoralized. They warned me that I would be captured if I didn't turn back, but I have time and rode as fast as the horse could go until I made the turn to the east and got to the James River just as they were taking up the pontoon bridge. They let me over and I was safe, but it took three months before the last of the men had heard that their money had reached their families safely.

* * *

While holding entrenchments at Chapin's farm below Richmond I was sent out one morning on picket duty [guard duty]. When relieving the office on picket duty I called his attention to a couple of peach trees covered with red. He told me that the day before, three pickets had been eating their dinner around the campfire when a hundred pound shell exploded between them. The red appearance of the trees was caused by portions of the three men. All that could be found of their remains were buried in a cracker box under one of the trees. This was just across the James River from Ft. Darling from where the shot was fired. I did not have my headquarters in that same place.

* * *

After lying five weeks continuously in the Petersburg trenches, we were marched out two miles on the City Point road for rest. The next day I noticed two mounted men coming up the road. I soon recognized General Grant and the other was in civilian dress, something unusual there at that time. From pictures I had seen in Harper's Weekly, I saw it was President Lincoln.

Telling the boys who it was, they all started toward the road cheering. The President's legs nearly touched the ground and he looked very awkward. The horse he rode was spirited and it took all of his time to manage the beast. A couple of hours later the two officers returned when every soldier in the company was out cheering them. The colored soldiers fairly worshipped “Marse Linkum.”

* * *

In August of 1864 we drew out of the trenches before Petersburg and marched thirty miles to the front of Richmond. On this march I was acting quartermaster and had a horse to ride. Only five of the officers were able to march with us. They asked me to go to the sanitary commission tent and get them some blackberry cordial to make them able to march with the troops.

I went to a number of the tents but they would give me nothing because they were not attached to our corps, the 25^th. I then went to the Christian Commission tent and got what I wanted, which helped our officers to keep their place.

* * *

Sergeant Farrow's family in West Virginia was in want so he came to me for a loan of twenty dollars until next payday. I let him have the money and very shortly thereafter we got into a battle and retired behind breastworks [a temporary defense structure] and lay down with very strict orders not to show our heads until the enemy came up. Serg't Farrow could not control his curiosity, however, and he rose up and was shot through the forehead, he was killed instantly so I was cheated out of my twenty dollars.

* * *

While at Petersburg, I was sent with a couple of men and a major to City Point for sanitary supplies for the sick. Appearing before the agent of the sanitary commission with my requisition from our surgeon I found him in conversation with a dandy cavalry office and a woman of uncertain character. After a time I got his attention and showed him my requisition. He refused to fill it, saying he did not have the supplies. However I stayed around until he consented to fill the needs of the fast woman and I saw she was getting the very goods that I wanted. Then I got wrathy and demanded the goods I was sent for and threatening otherwise that I would report him to General Grant, whose headquarters were not forty rods away. This had the desired effect and in fifteen minutes I was on my way back to camp.

* * *

From Yorktown we made two raids up the peninsula toward Richmond, once to release its Union prisoners at Richmond, in which we were unsuccessful, the rebels getting word of our coming. The other raid was to help General Kilpatrick on a similar venture. The pickets of the two forces encountered each other before daylight and each thought the other were rebels, but Kirkpatrick's men were overjoyed to see us even though most were black. It was an all night and day march with no stop. On these trips we had no grub except what we each carried in his haversack. Our failure to release the Union prisoners was mainly because a rebel prisoner had bribed his guard to let him out and he then informed the rebels of our approach. We were not allowed to make any fires as they might let the rebels know we were coming.

* * *

In December of 1864 we left the Petersburg entrenchments and went to City Point, took a steamship and sailed down the James River. We went up Chesapeake Bay and up the Potomac until midnight. We then turned down the river to Fortress Monroe and out to sea under sealed orders. We were on our way to Ft. Fisher, North Carolina. We had with us sixty war vessels and a host of transports. It was the largest naval force ever sent out of the United States carrying 600 guns from 10 pounders to fifteen inch cannons. Th transports lay off about a mile from the naval vessels and witnessed the bombardment of the fort, a wonderful sight.

We did not assault the fort but returned to City Point. This was under General Ben Butler. Two weeks later we started for Ft. Fisher again under General A. H. Perry; the naval vessels were again with us. This time we landed, the men in the boats getting up to their armpits in the water. I had been seasick and then wet up to the neck in salt water. However, we got ashore, gathered up some fuel and put the coffee pot on to have some supper. But my company and two others of the regiment were ordered to fall in, without anything to eat and with clothes wet through and through, and this in January.

It was about a mile across the land to the Cape Fear (?) River and before we got quite to its banks, I spied a light ahead. I soon discovered it to be a dwelling and found the people sitting down to supper. I lost no time in arresting the whole outfit and sitting down and eating their meal which consisted of hot biscuits, butter, boiled sweet potatoes, and milk, the best supper I ever had.

I called in my cook and had him bake more biscuits and sweet potatoes; I then called in the other officers and I helped them to fill up.

The next day we marched down toward the Fort and captured a little steamer loaded with ammunition for Ft. Fisher.

The next day three infantry brigades marched down to where we were and relieved us and then carried the fort by assault. At nine o'clock the sent to our corps for our two best regiments to help them carry the rest of the works. Our regiment got to the fort just as the rebels surrendered. Rockets were sent up from all the naval vessels which made quite a display.

I asked permission of the colonel to stay in the for until morning. This, he would not grant, and, in the morning I returned and upon entering the fort, the first thing I saw was the bodies of the two officers with whom I had intended to say in the fort. Both were dead, having been killed in the explosion of the magazine.

* * *

That is the full dairy of recollections my great-great-grandfather wrote. It was copied by my grandmother, Helen McClelland Nelson with her brother, Joe McClelland, in 1967. They wrote: “We had some difficulty in deciphering our grandfather's handwriting; it was something like working out a puzzle. While we probably did not get every word, exactly, I think we did get the correct meaning. Any mistakes in typing, spelling, or punctuation are ours.”

From Googling, I can see that there is a lot of information http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/United_States_Colored_Troops about this regiment and other colored troop regiments, and many valiant stories on other sites of African American troops taking command of their company after all the white officers were killed or wounded, and gallantly leading it.

Here is a link to my great-great-grandfather's discharge papers. http://imgur.com/670Zp

Here is a link to an “Oath of Identity” he signed. http://imgur.com/ZV7Oo

* * *

About my great-great-grandfather, McClelland:

Joseph S. McClelland, a newspaper publisher from Tiflin, Ohio, came to Denver in 1872 after his Civil War service and time spent publishing a weekly at Galesburg, Ill. He founded "The Express", forerunner to the "Fort Collins Coloradoan". When the first paper in the county was published on April 16, 1873, the total population was about 1, 500. He managed the paper until 1880 when he sold the paper to the Croft brothers. Mr. McClelland began planting fruit trees in 1876 on 160 acres at Fossil Creek. He helped build the old Watson mill and the Farmer's mill. He assisted in bringing beet sugar refining to Fort Collins. He was prominent in planning and constructing the irrigation system of the Cache la Poudre Valley. He was commander of the George H. Thomas Post of the GAR; an organizer of the first Grange in the county in 1874; master of Pomona Grange; postmaster of Fort Collins from 1878 to 1880; member of the State Board of Agriculture; president of the State Horticultural Society for two years. He homesteaded in the Fossil Creek area; both his newspaper venture and his fruit orchard was very successful. He also served as postmaster at Fort Collins, helped organize the first Grange, and was a member of the State Board of Agriculture.

* * *

Joseph McClelland was my father's mother's grandfather.

My father's father also had some interesting relatives – who fought in the Revolutionary War – Thomas Nelson, who signed the Declaration of Independence and helped finance the Revolutionary War. You can read about him here: http://www.nps.gov/york/historyculture/nelson-house.htm

My father has a photo of my mother standing beside The Nelson House wall, showing one cannonball embedded in it. The story was that our forbear General Thomas Nelson had his house taken over by the British, and that Lord Cornwallis occupied it as his headquarters. Nelson then offered his gunners a guinea (slightly more than a British pound) if they could hit it with a cannon. He paid out at least one guinea, and maybe more.

As previously related here on VegSource, on my mother's side my great-great-grandfather started the Armour Meat Company (ironic, for a vegetarian website). Here is an 8-minute video relating some of the facts about my maternal great-great-grandfather, H.O. Armour:

Palm Springs was the first Native Foods outlet, originally opened in 1994.

Now it's bigger and improved, and has lots of tasty vegan items!

For more info, visit http://www.NativeFoods.com

SCROLL DOWN TO WATCH VIDEO:

And don't forget the “harsh punishment” side of the equation: “rotten person and a sell-out.” When your good intentions become painful and/or self-abusive you've crossed the line into perfectionism.

2. Grandiosity, or thinking things that are difficult for other people should be easy for you. Example: “Even though I spend my days and nights working to fight animal suffering, I shouldn't need any healing or self-care. And I shouldn't need to take any breaks. Those are all just self-indulgences, and I'm tough enough to handle it all.” Grandiosity also comes into play when we think we can take on big challenges, like activism or a profound dietary change, by ourselves, with little or no help—and because perfectionists tend to feel ashamed of their many perceived failings, they already have a tendency to isolate themselves, which the grandiosity only supports.

3. Overidentification with your “work” (in this case, veganism). For instance, basing your self--worth on how good a vegan you were today. (Note that “today” and see Symptom #5, shortsightedness, below.) Example: “I just ate a nonvegan candy bar; that makes me a terrible person.” It's the overidentification, combined with the unreasonable standards mentioned explicitly in Symptom #1 and implicit in most of the other symptoms, that creates the perfectionist's terror of failure. And, by the way, it also isn't good to overidentify in a positive way--i.e., “I had a perfect vegan day today--I rule!” While it's okay to be proud of one's veganism, basing your self-worth on it is risky, and probably will lead to an emotional crash the next time the day doesn't go so well

4. Overemphasizing product over process; deprecating the true process of success. Examples include: (a) going vegan, or doing vegan activism, without requisite information or planning, and (b) expecting success without having made the necessary investments or sacrifices. People who say to others, “It's easy to go vegan! Just do it!” are making mistake A (more on this one below), while “pastaterians” and other vegans who don't eat a balanced vegan diet are making mistake B.

And some minor symptoms:

5. Shortsightedness. Perfectionists tend to elevate the current moment above all others. For instance, “So what if you've been vegan for years, and are very careful with your diet? If you bought that pair of leather shoes you can't care much about the animals.”

6. Labeling, such as “bad vegan,” “sell out,” “not committed,” etc. Even positive labels such as “good vegan” or “compassionate” can be a problem if they put pressure on you. Labels are basically bad; it's okay to objectively describe an action or attitude as compassionate but avoid labeling yourself. (And, yes, I do realize I use the word “perfectionist” in this article as a label. I sometimes do that when writing for convenience, but try to avoid it in conversation.)

7. Hyperbole, such as, “I'm a terrible person.” Or, “This was the worst day ever.”

8. Fetishes, or relentless, repetitive self-criticism. Obsessing about the cheese you can't seem to give up would be one example. Sure, it would be better to refrain, but bashing yourself constantly for not doing so isn't helpful. (Ditto for the cheese someone else isn't refraining from.) In fact, the shortest route to giving it up, as you'll see, is to be compassionate about your choices, since that empowers you to make change.

9. Negativity, such as, “So you're meatless on Mondays. Big deal. What about the rest of the week?” Or, “So you're vegan. Big deal. Nothing you do is going to make a difference; we're all doomed anyway.” There's a short step from sentiments such as these to futility, a hugely demotivating and disempowering mindset.

10. Invidious comparisons. Comparisons can be valid analytical tools, but when a perfectionist makes a comparison, the primary purpose is invariably not analysis, but self-punishment. An example is, “Why can't I do as much activism as Joe? And why can't I do direct action like he does? All I do is send out letters and donate money. I'm so weak...” This is yet another case where a useful thought (“I could do better”) crosses the line into perfectionism by becoming a vehicle for shame and self-abuse.

11. Reductiveness. Perfectionist narratives tend to be oversimplified and dramatic, which is why we constantly see them in the media. Classic examples include “overnight success” stories; “lone success” stories that elide the role a person's community played in their success; and stories that glamorize deprivation and suffering (many “rags to riches” stories). Many or most stories of “instant conversion” to veganism are probably similarly reductive. I myself became vegan immediately after seeing Peaceable Kingdom at a FARM Animal Rights National Conference, for instance, but to call my conversion instant is to ignore a lifelong commitment to social justice and a lifelong deep love of animals. These factors got me to the conference to start with, and primed me for my so-called instant conversion by that fantastic movie.
Believing any of the perfectionist narratives is going to give you unrealistic expectations of success for your veganism, vegan activism, and other endeavors.

12. Rigidity, as evinced by repeatedly trying the same solution to a difficult problem despite evidence that it doesn't work. For instance, continuing to lecture your family on the evils of meat eating, despite the fact that prior lectures haven't gotten them to change their diet. A nonperfectionist vegan activist would try some new strategies, including cooking some delicious vegan meals; or she might even decide to give up, at least temporarily, on trying to influence her family and focus her advocacy elsewhere.

13. Dichotomized thinking, also known as black-or-white or polarized thinking. Examples include, “You're either 100% vegan or you're not. There's no middle ground.” Or, “If you're not willing to look at this picture of a suffering animal, you're a bad, uncaring person. Or, “Whole Foods Market, despite all the humane things they do, is still vile because they sell meat.” (I love this last one when spoken by people who shop at Target or other stores that don't do a fraction of what Whole Foods does for animal and human rights.)

Another type of dichotomization is making strong distinctions between those who go vegan for the “right” reasons (e.g., ethical concerns for animals and/or the environment) and those who do it for the “wrong” reasons (e.g., their health). Vegans who do this often cite research showing that people who go vegan for “selfish” reasons often revert back to eating meat, or simply switch from beef to chicken or fish. Even if that's true, however, it makes sense to celebrate any reason someone starts to get more conscious and empowered about their food. From that foundation, you can encourage them to take more steps, and also to develop more of an understanding of the ethics involved.

Moreover, the reality is more complex than the ethics-vs.-selfishness dichotomy would lead you to believe. Obviously, people can have multiple motives for changing their diets. And the fact is that many people have permanently given up at least some animal products solely due to health reasons. As a result of growing awareness about the health risks associated with eggs' high cholesterol levels, for instance, U.S. per capita egg consumption plummeted 37% from 1950 to 1990. (Then it bounced back up a few points, and is now dropping again, perhaps due to vegan outreach.) And the recent Earth Policy Institute report Peak Meat: U.S. Meat Consumption Falling attributes sustained drops in U.S. beef and pork consumption to consumer health and price concerns. (And don't you just love that phrase "peak meat!") In Europe, where egg prices have risen mainly due to tougher humane regulations, egg sales are declining: "The European Egg Processors Association says that EU-wide production of eggs since the Jan. 1 legislative change has dropped by 10 to 15 percent, or about 200 million eggs a week."

Questions of why people attempt veganism may, in the end, be far less important than why they attempt and fail, i.e., dietary recidivism. Erik Marcus discussed one tiny study on vegan recidivism on his late, great Vegan.com blog, but recidivism is a huge problem for all kinds of dieters. Search on “dietary recidivism” and you'll find that most experts believe it happens when people don't have a good plan, or enough support, or when the diet itself is rigid or extreme or deprivational. In other words: when they get perfectionist about it.

14. Pathologizing ordinary events and setbacks. “I ate some cheese yesterday, so I'm a horrible person and a horrible vegan.” We all have setbacks, but a perfectionist will interpret his setback to mean he's fundamentally unfit to reach his goal. A nonperfectionist will, in contrast, learn from the mistake and make a plan to avoid repeating it--and move on.

As you can see, perfectionism is quite a complex and nasty brew! It also spawns other barriers to success, notably shame, overwhelm, and a sense of futility, all of which may be why the opposition often uses perfectionist arguments to try to undermine us. Here's a telling comment from the recent New York Times essay contest on the ethics of meat eating: “Vegans claim to be more ethical, but why can't they be the most ethical and eat only rocks and gravel?” Unachievable standard of success, anyone?

So, the next time someone questions your commitment because you took an animal-tested painkiller, or mentions that, “wildlife died to grow all those soybeans, you know,” you'll know what they're up to. If you want to know how to respond, you could do worse than learning from Jacqueline Frasca, author of the Vegpocalypse Now blog, who responded thusly to another blogger who accused vegan photographers of being hypocritical when they use film, which contains gelatin: “Get off your high fucking horse--I'm a photographer and I use film, but as a vegan I actively save lives that you destroy every day as a non-vegan.” (F-bomb optional.) I also like her blog's tagline, "I do my best, but that's all.”

Perfectionism, Procrastination, and Disempowerment

Procrastination, or the inability to do one's work or other important tasks (e.g., eat vegan) is largely a response to perfectionism. (There are other causes, including resource deficiencies and ambivalence, but perfectionism is usually the biggest barrier.) Because perfectionists so harshly judge themselves, they dread failure, which is unfortunately inevitable since they define success so unrealistically. When a perfectionist senses she's about to fail, she struggles to self-correct, but since perfectionist psychology is fundamentally harsh and rigid, the only "fix" she can come up with is a self-abusive litany that runs something like this:

“What's wrong with you? This is easy! Why are you so weak? You've had all this help, and you still can't get your act together. Animals are dying because you don't give a shit. Etc. Etc.”

The litany is a desperate attempt to coerce herself back on track, but it actually makes the problem worse since it only adds fear on top of fear, and shame on top of shame. The terrorized, shamed self wants only to escape those awful feelings, and eventually does so via procrastination. There are other ways to cope with such a crisis, of course―you can problem-solve, ask someone for help, or make a plan so you avoid its reoccurrence―but in her fear the perfectionist loses access to many of her skills, talents, and capacities, and thus can't take those more productive steps. She's disempowered, in other words. So procrastination, it turns out, isn't caused by weakness, lack of discipline, lack of commitment or any other "lack," but the disempowerment caused by fear.

Now, think about someone who loves animals and wants to live more compassionately. He checks out veganism, but is bewildered and discouraged by what seems to him to be a lot of rules, and a lot of deprivation. He turns to a vegan for help and is told that, "veganism is easy.”

Not only is that statement pure perfectionism (emphasis on product over process), it is callous and irresponsible--that last because someone hearing it in mid-struggle is likely to become ashamed and demoralized and simply quit. (And probably resent vegans.) As vegan nutritionist and Vegan for Life co-author Ginny Messina writes,

People who perceive barriers to going vegan need to have their concerns acknowledged, not dismissed. Here's the thing: Giving up whole categories of food that you love and that are familiar and that you know how to prepare and that have always been a part of your family and social celebrations is not necessarily easy. The idea isn't to reinforce concerns and pre-conceived ideas about veganism, but to recognize them, and then help people find ways to work through them....Sharing our own struggles in going--and staying--vegan can actually be reassuring to others.

A few moments of reflection should tell any vegan that, if changing one's diet were easy for most people, there wouldn't be an obesity problem in the United States, or a $65 billion global diet industry.

Compassionate Objectivity: The Antidote to Perfectionist Veganism

Perfectionism will sometimes seem like a good motivational tool, especially if you confuse it with having high standards (see Symptom #1), but it is always a dead end, both for individuals and movements. It constricts your sense of yourself and what you're capable of, and also often your view of others and what they are capable of. The opposite of perfectionism is what I call compassionate objectivity. In place of perfectionism's rigid, reductive, and punishing world view, it offers flexibility, nuance, empathy, compassion, and true love and respect. And instead of constriction, it offers abundance and expansive possibilities.

Compassionately objective vegans and vegan activists tend to:

*Define success broadly and realistically. They know that every vegan meal or ingredient is a triumph and a foundation for future progress.

*Non-grandiose. They don't expect to succeed without adequate planning and preparation, and without occasional challenges. Or alone.

*Separate their veganism from themselves. Their veganism is important to them, but they don't let it fully define them or determine their self-esteem.

*Prioritize process over product. They focus on just living their life as compassionately as they can, moment by moment and day by day.

They also:

*Take the long view / broad view.
*Favor accurate, objective, compassionate descriptions over labeling.
*Avoid hyperbole.
*Avoid fetishes.
*Avoid comparisons.
*See things nondichotomously in shades of gray.
*Are flexible.

*Anticipate setbacks and don't pathologize them.A compassionately objective person, when she slips up, is not likely to say, “What a horrible jerk I am. Etc. Etc." But,

"Okay, I wish I hadn't had that cheese at the party. I was standing near the buffet and couldn't resist it, especially when everyone else was saying how great it was. Oh well, I won't dwell on it. I hadn't had cheese for a month before that, and I'll try to go for another month--or more!--without having it again. Parties seem to be my downfall, however, so let's see what I can do to help myself. Well, I won't stand near the buffet, for one thing. And maybe I'll eat something ahead of time so I don't arrive hungry. And maybe I'll bring some faux-cheese treats for myself and to share with others. But if I do that, I should be prepared for some people saying they're not exactly like real cheese.”

As this example illustrates, compassionate objectivity is not about giving yourself a “pass”: compassionately objective people take full responsibility. They simply skip the shame and blame, which enables them to move much more quickly and easily to problem solving.

In my classes, people describe the compassionately objective voice as that of the "good grandparent" or "wise teacher." Because of their empathy, expansiveness, kindness, and other qualities, compassionately objective people often make terrific advocates for veganism and their other important values.

How to Build Your Compassionate Objectivity

You can overcome your perfectionism, and build your own compassionate objectivity, using these techniques:

1) Work consciously to replace perfectionist thinking and speaking with compassionate objectivity. As per the cheese example above. The first few times you consciously interrupt a perfectionist thought and replace it with a compassionately objective one, it might feel weird and artificial, but keep at it. Eventually it will become automatic--and you'll also see that it's self-reinforcing, since compassionate objectivity doesn't just lead to better outcomes, it feels way better than harsh, self-abusive perfectionism.

2) Journal to Uncover Root Causes / Develop a Problem Solving Mentality. Write out your fears, confusions, questions, and concerns about your veganism or vegan activism in as much detail as possible, and also write out potential solutions. These can include the challenges you face within yourself, as well as those involving your family, workplace, and friends. The list should also include constraints on your information, time, and other resources, as well as any ambivalence you feel around the goal. (For instance, if you're afraid that your becoming more activist is going to alienate friends or family members.)

This is a private exercise, and you don't have to, and probably shouldn't, show it to anyone. The key is be thorough, recording as much of the nuances of each topic as possible and censoring nothing. Especially don't censor your “small,” “fleeting,” or “trivial” fears because those are often much bigger than we initially realize.

What you'll probably discover is that: (a) you have many more fears, constraints and ambivalences than you realize (most people come up with a list of between two and three dozen); and (b) many will be small and easily dealt with (refer again to the cheese example). This leaves the harder ones (such as, for instance, those involving an unsupportive family or community): but better to characterize them sooner rather than later so you can get started problem solving. The great news is that, the more barriers you identify and overcome, the easier it will become to deal with the rest.

3) Community. Compassionate objectivity will come much more easily if you hang around people who live and practice it. There are plenty of compassionately objective vegans out there: look for them online and offline, in veg groups and elsewhere. And don't limit your interactions to other vegans: carnists can also be compassionately objective, even if they haven't yet woken up to the vegan imperative. Let them model compassionate objectivity for you, while you model the joys of vegan compassion and nonviolence to them.

Nonperfectionist Veganism is the Path to Abolition

Nonperfectionist veganism isn't opposed to abolition, it's the quickest way to get there. By acknowledging the reality of our human needs and challenges vis a vis veganism, it provides a realistic route to creating and sustaining change. Of course we want everyone to go as close to 100% vegan as quickly as possible. But perfectionist judgment and coercion don't work, and are immoral anyway.

There's a method and a science to persuasion, and it doesn't involve shaming or guilting your audience.  McDonald's, Coke, Nike, etc., didn't build their enormous customer bases by conveying, "You're an uncool jerk if you don't buy our product," but rather the more inspiring and motivational statement that “you'll be cool if you do buy it.” Another reason these companies don't coerce is that coercion usually only achieves short-term compliance, not long-term commitment and behavioral change. As Nick Cooney writes in his book on the psychology of activism, Change of Heart: "As a general human characteristic, people accept inner responsibility for a choice only in the absence of a strong external pressure to make that choice."

The only time it might make sense to use coercive tactics is when you're dealing with members of a corporate or government power structure. Even then, however, you need to tread lightly. In his book Ethics Into Action, Peter Singer quotes journalist Nicholas Wade on renowned animal activist Henry Spira:

I think he was effective because he was such a friendly, outgoing moderate sort of person. He wasn't strident. He didn't expect you necessarily to agree with everything he said. But he was very bubbly and full of ideas, and just interesting to listen to. So I found him an engaging character to cover. I thought he had lots of good points, so I was ready to run with them and bounce them off his adversaries.

And Cooney writes, "The Humane League has experienced many occasions where our street protests led to an angry response from the target company; but when I afterwards met with company representatives and was very polite, a policy change was made."

Vegans who vent their anger unstrategically at individuals or organizations are probably achieving very little, and may very well be helping the opposition, who are all too happy to paint all vegans as being angry fringe types.

In The Lifelong Activist, I quote activist and sales experts on the importance of forming a bond with your audience, often based on common language and ideas. Here's Dale Carnegie in the classic How to Win Friends and Influence People: "Begin by emphasizing--and keep on emphasizing--the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing, if possible, that you are both striving for the same end and that your only difference is one of method and not of purpose.”

Cognitive linguist George Lakoff, author of Don't Think of an Elephant!, discusses the "frames" of information and associations we all carry around in our heads, and that are often automatically invoked when we hear a word like, say, "vegan." Some people will hear that word and immediately think of concepts like compassionate, healthy, delicious, and ecological, while others will think of concepts like weird, unhealthy, boring, and unAmerican. (A major purpose of meat industry advertising is to reinforce that latter frame.) Lakoff says the first step in helping someone embrace a new frame is to build a "bridge" encompassing both his frame and your own. Health could be one such frame, and the fact that your listener is a self-professed "animal lover" could be another.

The vital importance of developing a common language is why, when I hear someone describe themselves as 80% vegan, or 50%, or 30%, I don't despair but celebrate. They're using the vegan frame! The hard work is done. Instead of bashing them for the steps they haven't taken, lets work with them to take one of those steps. And then another. And another....

The Rise of Nonperfectionist Veganism

Fortunately, there are many strong advocates for nonperfectionist veganism, including:

Popular vegan cookbook author and advocate for joyful veganism Colleen Patrick-Goudreau, who in her writing and speeches reminds her audiences that, "Veganism isn't about getting it perfect; it's about doing your best.”

Animal rights mediablogger Karen Dawn, who writes in her fun book Thanking the Monkey: "I have met people who tell me they went vegan for a while and then gave up because it was too hard. Now they eat absolutely anything--even bacon double cheeseburgers made with factory-farmed pork. That's crazy! It comes from the rigid idea that if one isn't totally vegan, one isn't helping at all, so one might as well do nothing--and that just isn't true.”

Former Vegan.com blogger, Erik Marcus, who routinely advocated for pragmatic, nonperfectionist approaches to veganism and vegan activism that work in the real world.

And vegan dietitian Ginny Messina and blogger Jacqueline Frasca, whom I quoted earlier.

Of course, there are also countless less famous examples.

I myself am not a perfect vegan. (I lapse once in a while with a candy bar, usually during times of emotional or physical stress.) Nor am I a perfect vegan activist (whatever that means)—far from it. But I will always seek to do better, both in my personal veganism and as an activist. And I have to tell you that each time I encounter a vegan or vegan activist my heart swells. There is plenty to condemn humans over, as a species and (often) as individuals; however, so much of our predicament is due to nature, which created us to live at others' expense. In this context, I think veganism is one of our species' most glorious accomplishments. I hope more full and partial vegans realize this as well, and take pride and joy in what they have wrought in their own lives, and for the animals and planet.

And I hope that that pride inspires them to try to do better.

One step at a time, we'll all get there--and probably faster than we all realize.

*****

Hillary Rettig is author of The Lifelong Activist (Lantern Books, 2006) and The 7 Secrets of the Prolific (Infinite Art, 2011). Read a lot more about procrastination and perfectionism at  www.hillaryrettig.com and read the entire text of The Lifelong Activist at www.lifelongactivist.com.  Hillary's Twitter handle is @hillaryrettig. She would love to hear your thoughts on nonperfectionist veganism and other activism either via Twitter or hillary@hillaryrettig.com.