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Veganism
and Dating
Last September I ended a five-year relationship
that had been mostly long-distance for the past three
years. It had been my first serious relationship, and
I had done no dating in earnest previous to that. My
perspective is therefore a little limited, but on the
other hand, being single gives me lots of time to ponder
the subject. I think the biggest reason I ended the
relationship, which was comfortable, was that it wasn't
enough. I realized that I wasn't truly in love, and
I wanted more out of life. This came after a slow process
of being more and more honest with myself. That honesty
continued, and it got me started on my yoga practice
and prepared me to confront the issue of vegetarianism
when that came up in my yoga studies. Just as I wanted
to set aside the dichotomy between "comfortable with
boyfriend but I want more," I came to want to set aside
the dichotomy between "tastes good but an animal died
to get it here."
Even before I became a vegetarian, I
had come to realize that I was fairly particular about
what I wanted in a romantic relationship. I am not,
by nature, a casual dater. I have had one lover in my
life and do not regret leaving him behind, but I know
that the next one may be a while coming. The gift of
true intimacy -- physical, emotional, and spiritual
-- is not something I want to share with someone just
because he happens to be there at the right time. I
am a fairly solitary person, and I find comfort and
strength in that solitude. It has to be the right person
for me to want to give that up.
Now that I am a vegan, I feel that I
would be very unlikely to form a lifelong, romantic
bond with someone who still eats meat. Even though I
am still new to veganism, I am already developing a
greater and greater aversion to the sight and smell
of meat. How will it be when I have become used to my
new way of life and I try to share it with someone who
still eats products of death? How much love would it
take to overcome that extreme discomfort? Would I want
to kiss him if he's just eaten a rack of spare ribs?
I don't want to worship anyone, but I do want to be
able to admire the person I spend my life with. Would
I be able to truly admire a husband who continues to
eat meat?
Eating and lovemaking are both such
sacred, life-renewing acts, and as I become more aware
and pure in the one, I also want more awareness and
purity in the other. If I am so particular about what
clothing covers my body and what food goes into my mouth,
isn't it just the other side of the same coin that I
am also particular about whose hands caress my body
and with whom I make love?
Everything is interconnected. I can't
separate my spiritual life from the rest of my existence.
It seems silly for me to pretend there are times and
things in my day-to-day life that are not touched by
the ultimate reality that surrounds all of us. Veganism
has been part of setting aside some of that pretense;
my evolving views about romantic relationships are no
different.
LM
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