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Dating
a Meat Eater
Given the shortage of other vegheads,
especially male ones, some of us end up dating meat
eaters. Some things that are issues for other vegetarians/vegans
when they date meat eaters are not issues for me. I
am not grossed out by the possibility that if I kiss
someone, there may be microscopic amounts of meat left
in his mouth from his last meal. He ate the chicken
already, my getting grossed out doesn't save lives,
and that's why I don't eat meat -- to save lives. Plus,
if I ever eat out, which I do frequently, there are
microscopic amounts of meat in my food anyway from the
counters in the kitchen. There are other things
that bother me, though.
First of all, let's say I am dating
a meat eater and he is hungry and broke one day. Do
I say, "Order food, I will pay for it"? What if it's
a pepperoni pizza? Do I tell him I won't buy him lunch
because it's meat? Then I will just seem "heartless"
to the non-veggies that don't understand the global
problems of meat, but do see someone hungry in
front of them. I mean, doesn't kindness begin in your
own backyard? But, the irony is not lost on me that
they think I am "letting someone go hungry" by refusing
to give my money to a meat industry, when the reality
is that meat eaters contribute to world hunger. This
also leads me to my second irritant.
How many times have we all been dumped
for being vegan? How many times have I heard "...and
I didn't like you eating weird food" thrown in there
at the end of an explanation from an ex? Especially
as a woman I hear this, because these men really want
a woman to cook as their moms did. That is not easy
to swallow. It makes me angry, frustrated, and it hurts
my feelings (What am I, a cook or a girlfriend?). It's
hard not to end up cynical and "militant" after a few
of those.
Now, let's say that none of this has
come up yet, and there is a relationship with a non-veg
that has gone well so far. What about when Valentine's
Day rolls around and he brings me Godiva chocolates?
Do I refuse them? (See paragraph above where I come
off as "heartless"...) Do I keep them around to make
me feel good that someone cares, but not eat them? What
good does that do the cows?
But, suppose I actually find a vegan
man to date. I want to get married and have children.
I don't want to live an "activist's life." Unfortunately,
all of the vegan men I have met have been activists
in the Animal Rights community, and have no interest
in a family, nor could they afford one on their non-profit
wages. They are martyrs for the cause, and I think that's
great, but it's not what I want.
None of these problems is easy to resolve,
but personally I have no intention to either change
or stop dating. (There are plenty of times a man says
"Don't try to change me!" over things a lot less important
than ethics in the food industry. ) Eventually someone
will see all my good points as valuable and consider
the vegan thing incidental. I can't always get every
little thing I might want in a person, but if I find
someone I feel strongly about, it is wise to try to
make it work.
Melanie J.
Massachusetts
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