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Gratitude
I took a reflective moment the other night to celebrate the end of my third
month as a vegan, and it occurred to me that I had a lot to be grateful for.
I had never expected veganism to be easy. I thought it would be a horrible
deprivation, a major sacrifice that I was accepting only because my
conscience told me I must. I'd given up meat almost overnight 20 years ago
and never missed it. In fact, in an odd sort of way I occasionally felt
guilty that it had been so easy for me when many vegetarians I knew had
struggled and sacrificed. But dairy -- CHEESE -- that was something else.
Apart from chocolate (yep, milk chocolate), cheese was probably my favourite
food in the world.
I'd thought many times over the past few years of going vegan. I admired
people who'd been able to take that step and knew deep inside that it was
the right thing to do. But the enormity of what I'd have to give up always
seemed too great to contemplate. And I'll admit to a slight resentment
towards those self-righteous (as I saw it) vegans who insisted that eating
eggs and dairy was no different to eating meat. I just didn't quite get it.
I made sure always to buy free range eggs and, after all, milking didn't
kill the cow. Sure I knew that neither industry was ideal from the animal's
point of view, but somehow I managed to salve my conscience.
Then in August I bought Gary Francione's "Rain Without Thunder" at an Animal
Liberation auction. It wasn't even my first choice; the things I really
wanted sold out of my price range, but I wanted to buy something to show my
support. Well, that book hit me like a ton of bricks. I'm still not sure I
agree 100% with all Gary's thoughts on activism, but it was immediately
clear to me that if I accepted his belief that animals should not be treated
as property, then there was no room for ambiguity on the question of eating
them or their products. In clear and simple language he exposed all the
vague misgivings and uncertainties I'd been feeling, and for the first time
I really understood, not just on an intellectual level but with a deep and
non-negotiable certainty, why eating meat and eating dairy were inseparable.
Before I was halfway through the book I knew that however much I might hate
the idea, there was only one way forward for me. Over the next few weeks I
phased out dairy and undertook the dreaded task of telling family and
friends, and by September I was vegan.
So on a straightforward level, I'm grateful to Gary Francione, without whom
I probably would have struggled for a lot longer. But on a deeper level, I'm
not sure where to direct the gratitude I feel, except perhaps to the
universe, for one of those amazing tricks of fate that transformed an
expected ordeal into a gift. You see, going vegan not only WAS easy, it was
the best thing I could have done for myself.
Although I've managed to control my weight fairly well and technically have
never had an eating disorder, it's been many years since I felt in control
around food. I was addicted to sweet things, notably chocolate, and craved
them constantly. Almost every day was a familiar pattern of stuffing myself
with sugary, unhealthy food, then feeling sick and regretful and vowing I'd
have more willpower next time. Only I never did. Occasionally I managed to
break this pattern for a week or even two, but the maddening cravings never
went away. Never that is, until now. Not from the moment I finally went
vegan, but from the moment I made the decision to do so. It didn't
immediately make sense to me, but now I think that all I needed to do was
find an incentive greater than myself. Willpower no longer entered into it;
it was just something that had to be done. I've found plenty of delicious
(if expensive) vegan chocolate, but the urgency is gone. I can enjoy it in
moderation and no longer have to berate myself for my weakness. Within 10
days of giving them up, I couldn't remember what milk and eggs tasted like
and had no desire for them. Somewhere in the middle of the second month it
occurred to me--with a feeling almost of awe--that I hadn't thought of
cheese in nearly a week.
I'm not religious in the traditional sense (if anything I believe in a life
force of the universe rather than a personal god), but I can't help feeling
that gratitude is owed to someone or something for the sense of peace that's
come over me in the last three months, the certainty that my life is on the
right path, and the way that other seemingly unconnected problems in my
little world suddenly seem less important because of it. There's no turning
back now, and against all expectations, that thought makes me incredibly
happy.
Janet D.
Australia
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e x t e s s a y -
Copyright © 1998-2013
by Jo Stepaniak All rights reserved.
Nothing on this web site may be
reproduced in any way
without express written permission from the copyright
holder.
Copyright © 1998-2013
by Jo Stepaniak All rights reserved.
Nothing on this web site may be
reproduced in any way
without express written permission from the copyright
holder.
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