Vegan Deli

Vegan Deli  by Jo Stepaniak

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Raising Vegetarian Children
by Jo Stepaniak, M.S.Ed., & Vesanto Melina M.S., R.D.

Raising Vegetarian Children

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Snooping and Trust

Snooping usually bores me. I mean let's face it, most people have the same junk you do. I don't look in people's medicine cabinets or drawers. I just don't care that much.

Now before you say, "Oh she thinks she is better," I just want to tell you that I have snooped. Cyber-snooped.

I was living with my then boyfriend. He used to stay up late at night and chat on-line. I didn't like it, but he assured me that he was just hanging out in chat rooms talking nonsense with other people. I didn't believe him.

It wasn't hard for me to figure out his e-mail password. What I found in his inbox hurt me. There were many e-mails to and from other women. These e-mails were sexually explicit. When I confronted him about it, he used the argument of my snooping to make me feel like the "bad guy."

I promised him I wouldn't snoop in his e-mail any more. However, he didn't trust me and changed his password. He was right not to trust me, because the next day I tried to get in with the old password and was unable to. Although figuring out his new one was not rocket science.

This went on for quite some time. Each time he said that I shouldn't have snooped and that they were all innocent flirtations. I was angry and beside myself. I didn't know what to believe. He had always been home and many of these females were in other states. I knew a physical relationship was not a possibility; still it bothered me.

This caused me to go into "high snoop mode." I would check his alpha-pager while he slept or showered. I found messages from other women. I would riffle though his papers and find cards from other women.

During one of my riffling moods, I found a six-page letter that described a physical encounter between my boyfriend and the author of this letter. This he could not deny, nor shake his finger at me for snooping. His apology was lame, but he did break it off with the other woman.

The Snooper Gets Snooped

I was once in love with a guy named Wayne. He was a smart and handsome guy and my boyfriend hated the fact that I used to fancy him.

He failed to realize that once I started dating him, that I never thought of anyone from my past.

After all the pain my boyfriend put me through, we married on August 6, 1999. By that time I hadn't spoke to Wayne in almost two years; I had all but forgotten about him.

Out of the blue, Wayne sent me a postcard. He had spent a year in Malaysia with his uncle and said he came across my address in a pile of papers and wanted to drop me a line. The postcard read plainly and there were no indecent proposals of any kind. It was just a quick "Hi."

My husband intercepted this correspondence and was infuriated. This sparked a huge argument and our marriage ended on October 8, 1999.

Although the snooping on both our parts was wrong and showed a lack of trust, it seems that when he was the snooper he couldn't handle what he found.

Liz K.
New York

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