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Help! I Married a Carnivore!
I have a bit of a moral dilemma. I became a vegetarian (for ethical and health reasons) after I got married, but my husband did not. He’s pretty much made it clear that he will never be vegan, and I am okay with that. I do not intend to try to force anything on him. Lately, I have been doing most of the cooking and have prepared meat dishes for him (and always something different for me). However, I am starting to feel guilty doing that. I am repulsed by meat and touching it is disgusting to me. I want to be a good wife (and no, I am not the submissive type . . . I cook because I enjoy it and because I am at home more than he is), and I want to prepare food for him that he likes, but I just feel awful making it. I don’t know what to do. How can I say, “Okay, too bad for you, I’ m not cooking meat anymore” when I have been doing so for a long while now? Help!
Although your husband has plainly stated that he has no desire to become vegan, he nevertheless intends to stick by you and your marriage. There was probably a time when you thought you could never be vegan, so I wouldn’t give up hope that he might one day change his mind, too. All the same, you are right to not pressure him into doing something he doesn’t want to do or isn’t ready for. If he does decide to become vegan in the future, it must be of his own choosing in order for him to value this lifestyle and adhere to it.
It’s great that you and your husband are supportive of each other despite your differing views on veganism and your incompatible eating styles. Because your husband loves you and cares about your feelings, why not tell him about your concerns and get his input on how you could solve this dilemma together. If he was consulted and felt that his opinions were respected, you would likely discover some creative and mutually satisfying solutions.
Perhaps he would be interested in getting a set of cookware just for himself, preparing his own meat dishes in them, and eating everything else you serve on the side that’s vegan. Possibly you or he could pick up prepared, packaged, or frozen meat dishes that just need to be heated and served. Maybe he would offer to eat only vegan food at home and reserve meat eating for when you dine out.
This is far from an impossible situation. In a loving relationship, there is always a way to work things out so both partners get what they need, even if it’s not everything they want. Explain your concerns openly, honestly, and lovingly to your husband and share the responsibility for solving them jointly. That’s the only way you’ll come up with a practical approach you both can live with.
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