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From: Carla (204.211.2.254)
Subject:         my sympathy, you have a lot on your plate
Date: January 10, 2008 at 6:54 am PST

In Reply to: Re: husband might be leaving need encouragement posted by Brenda on January 8, 2008 at 4:30 pm:

Oh, I can see how torn you must be!
Is counseling with you and your husband a possibility? Surely he must realize that he married you with the presumption of making a new life together; his other children are adults and living their own lives. If he does not see that his first obligation now is to you, I'd say marriage counseling may be your last best hope, and it may not work. And, because your husband is not your children's father, he would not be obligated to pay you child support. He'd owe you half the assets and that's all.
Your children's dad could certainly request alterations in the custody agreement at any time, with or without a change in your circumstances. He would need to show that the change would serve the best interests of the kids, and "best interest" does not just mean material circumstances. If you just plain were not able to provide decently for the kids, that would be one thing, but the law does not require that you "keep up" with him materially.
Maintaining their established relationship with you weighs in as well, and his fitness to parent involves much more than his bank balance.
You are so very vulnerable right now. You're in my prayers every day. Be hopeful and confident, you WILL come through this. But yeah, your kids are big enough to adjust to your needing to generate some income. Use this as a time to incorporate some financial, life planning and career planning into your homeschool lessons, especially for your daughter. In just six years , she'll be an adult and it's not too soon for her to begin thinking about her life as an independent adult. This is stressful but can be positive in some ways. Working at home is certainly possible and I'd truly go sit down with the folks at your local community college, women's opportunity center or whatever is in your area, and begin working on a long-term plan for taking care of yourself. You don't just need pin money, you need security.
keep posting! folks here care and are cheering for you!


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