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From: Carla (
Subject:         been where you are
Date: January 7, 2008 at 9:37 am PST

In Reply to: husband might be leaving need encouragement posted by Brenda on December 29, 2007 at 1:28 pm:

I know the feeling of being really overwhelmed. You're doing the right thing by reaching out for input and help.
One thing you must realize: you most likely can homeschool. Everyone on this board is in this situation. But you may need to put your kids in school for a short time, till you get yourself and your finances organized, and that's totally okay. This is about long-term survival and that may mean short term compromises - or may not. Either way, you are not failing anyone. A lot depends on your kids' ages and how much they can do for themselves. A lot also depends on what skills you can dust off and turn into an income. You can work from home, but it can take time to generate enough income working at home to support you and the kids. Depending on your childcare situation, you may be able to do late-shift work and be with the kids during the day.
Start with a visit to a career counselor, preferably one with a good understanding of re-entry issues. Your local community college is a place to begin. Your area may also have legal and financial and business-building services specifically for women. Many, many "mompreneurs" are running million-dollar businesses from home, and many - Mrs. Fields and J.K. Rowling come to mind - were single/divorced moms starting from scratch with basically nothing. SO you can do it, but you need a careful plan, detailed advice, and a source for current business and financial know-how.
One thing you need to know: although your husband, like Beverly's, may be willing to support your household without a lifestyle change, this is rare. Most men cannot support one household completely, let alone two. Child support awards are based on a portion of husband's resources minus any other obligations he has. If he goes and has more kids by someone else, yes, your child support award can be reduced. The law now will expect you to progress toward being self-supporting. You definitely will have to provide for your own retirement. If your kids are going to go to college, it may have to be without help from their dad as child support stops at 18. And to get decent housing, you will need to start establishing credit in your own name.
There is life after a split, the key is to commit to your own and your kids' well-being and to taking control of the situation rather than waiting for an eviction notice. As hard as it is, you'll feel much less scared and helpless if you start now, build a workable plan, save some money if you can, and get ready to launch a new life. And when it comes to re-arranging the homeschool life, people here have as many ways to homeschool as there are families.

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