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From: Jennifer (
Subject:         Re: problems with ex spending a fair amount of time with our teens...
Date: June 3, 2007 at 7:56 am PST

In Reply to: problems with ex spending a fair amount of time with our teens... posted by Brenda C. on March 14, 2007 at 9:56 am:

I just found this message board and saw your post. I don't know if you have pursued this situation in court yet or not. However, I would caution you about seeking court assistance to force your ex-husband to spend time with your children, as others have also said. I know it is tempting and you would probably "win" if you did go to court, but at what price? Your children would then be forced to go see someone who obviously doesn't want to see them. That would be even more hurtful I think in the long run. What kind of a mood do you think your ex is going to be in with these forced visits?

Fortunately, for the msot part, my ex husband has the children every other weekend. However, for instance, with father's day coming up, he happens to have made plans to fly out to see his parents in CA and won't be spending that weekend (which by our divorce decree he is supposed to) with his children (3 boys). I could throw a fit and make a big fuss, but instead just said - okay - what else can I say? While I think it's important for the boys to spend father's day weekend with their dad, I also think it's important for them to see their mother as a calm, reasonable person and they will see their father for how he is in the long run - someone who seems to think his new wife is more important. I am remarried also, but my husband spends more time and does more with the children than their own father. In the end, when they are all grown up, they will remember who was actually there for them and did things for them. It is hard right now, I understand. I have had problems with my teenage boys as well. My husband tries, but he's not their father and I think their biological father would have more of an impact on them. But, I cannot force him to spend time with them or help with problems - he has to decide to do that.

Now, with that said, I am sure there are situations where going to court would be beneficial - i.e., child support. However, I think forcing a parent to spend time with their children, when they clearly do not want to do that, would only be detrimental to your children in the long run. I hope this helps!

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