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From: Saysfaa (75.15.166.245)
Subject:         I agree with Elle and some clarification
Date: October 22, 2008 at 4:02 am PST

In Reply to: maybe posted by Saysfaa on October 21, 2008 at 4:34 pm:

I think Elle's family handled it well with her niece, it is so important to do whatever we can keep the relationship no matter what we feel as we are going through things. Everything we can short of being seriously manipulated - that leads to unhealthy relationships.

I read my answer this morning, and it needs some clarification, I think. We don't hold the support issue over their heads, we don't micromanage their lives or their decisions. We can see a difference between "not best" and "damaging". Technically "not best" is often at least somewhat "damaging" but that is part of learning to handle life.

What it sounds to me like what your dd is doing, is plain old rebellion. Like *I'm independent so I'm gonna to do whatever I want.* Our response would be, "Yep, if you must be so independent, then be independent." It is the attitude that would get the response, not the bad decisions... people, esp kids, make bad decisions all the time, that is also part of life.

Although, it does get mushy... dd moving in with a someone so she could live with her boyfriend, realistically wouldn't happen without rebellion on dd's part. We let them make even bad decisions, but there is a difference between letting them fall off the couch and get a few bumps or bruises and letting them fall off the roof, to use a toddler analagy.


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