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From:	LL (63.139.8.106)
Subject:	An observation on how some haves relate to the have-nots
Date:	May 4, 2008 at 9:10 am PST

In Reply to: Hows your garden look?? Charity works both ways.... posted by Jaq on May 4, 2008 at 7:27 am:

Some people have a very strong need to be in control of their environment. These control freaks, like Holly, can't let anything go. As she herself has acknowledged, merely letting someone else have the last word on a messageboard when it's a word she doesn't agree with is very difficult for her. Can you imagine what it's like when there are bigger stakes?

If it was only themselves and their families affected by this neurotic need to control everything, it would be sad but not something for the rest of us to worry too much about.

But it's not just the control freaks and their families who are made to suffer and there ARE bigger stakes - for all of us:

What if you and Holly both work hard, make reasonably sensible decisions, practice kindness and caring to most people you meet, love your families, treat others well, and give what you can of your time, money and energy to those in need? Should you both reap the same benefits? Should your lives be equally good? Should you have similar resources and opportunities? Sure, you should. But you probably won't. That's life. Life isn't fair. The bolt from the blue comes and it can destroy or elevate. You can win the Lottery or lose everything you have despite your most diligent efforts.

Control freaks like Holly can't cope with that bolt from the blue. They don't have the emotional and mental resilience to take stock, fix what can be fixed, and move on. They can't let go. They must feel the situation can be controlled. The alternative is too terrifying for them. So if you work your ass off to have a decent life and provide for your family and it all goes bad one day, she has to believe you screwed up. She has to believe you did something wrong to bring that on yourself.

Because if you lived "right" and still ended up poor and doing without, if through no fault or lacking of your own, you weren't able to control your fortune, that means it could happen to her.

The only way she can feel safe from real life is to deny reality even when it's sitting in her face and buy into Blame the Victim politics in a big way.

As I said above, it would be sad and pitiful if it only affected her. Unfortunately, people like her and people who use people like her are responsible for the shoddy and shameful way this country treats people who've not won life's lottery.

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