Now We Are Six
Our Brazilian Daughter
by Jeff & Sabrina Nelson

December 2000 -- Last year during the Fall of 1999, some dear friends of ours, Coby and Hans Siegenthaler, seventy-something lifelong vegans, called to ask us a favor. American Youth Abroad (AYA) had contacted them to see if they could take in a Swedish vegetarian exchange student, who was unhappy with her current host family. Coby is often called upon by overseas exchange program organizations to help place veg kids. Unfortunately the notice was too short for us, and we weren't able to help Coby out. But she did get us thinking...

This past spring we got a letter from AYA, once again asking us if we could open our home to an exchange student. We asked our three children (Randa, Nina and Willie) if they would like to have a big sister. The answer was a resounding yes from all three, especially from Willie, who claimed, "I bet SHE won't tease me."

Meeting Fernanda at Airport

So we contacted AYA, which sent a representative, Arleen Orland, to come to our house and meet us in person (had to make sure we didn't have criminal records, etc.!) We completed an in-depth application, and she checked out the room which the exchange student would occupy.

Apparently satisfied that we were acceptable candidates, Arleen showed us about 15 applications from vegetarian kids seeking a year abroad in America.

"It really is tough for a lot of these vegetarian kids," Arleen said. "A lot of potential host families look at these applications and say, 'Why would I want to host a kid who won't eat our food?'"

Arleen was also concerned that many of the veg kids were coming up on their deadlines to be placed, and if they didn't find a family to offer to host them soon, they would not be able to participate in the program this year.

We had decided we wanted to host a girl, and most of the applicants were from Germany. In reading through the lone Brazilian girl's application - which was comprised of the applicant's personal information, letters of endorsement from teachers and others, report cards, essays and parent statements - we took notice of the letter from this girl's parents. They described their daughter, Fernanda Martinez, in glowing, straightforward terms, and concluded saying:

"The only difference from another family is that we are vegetarian and we would like to explain why. It's not easy to eat meat when you see how the animals are killed. We believe that nature offers us many other options of food. The second reason is that many researchers all over the world prove that meat is sometimes not good for our health. We try not to be very radical, but as Fernanda has never eaten meat, it will be difficult for her to change her mind."

This struck a chord with us. Fernanda's parents sounded exactly like the kind of people we would want our own children to be placed with, if they were ever to go abroad. It was apparent from her application and the many enthusiastic testimonial letters that 16 year old Fernanda was a very sweet and smart girl, and that her parents were warm and sensitive as well. We knew we'd found our exchange student!

We decided to invite Fernanda to our California San Fernando Valley home. Could this American surburban household be any more different than the high-rise metropolitan world of São Paolo she was accustomed to?

"I told my friends I was going to Los Angeles, and everybody said, 'You are so lucky, because it's like California dreamin,'" enthused Fernanda. She accepted the invitation immediately.

Fernanda arrives

Fernanda - or "Nanda" as our kids call her - flew 24 hours from São Paolo to New York to San Francisco to Burbank. She was so excited about her trip that she hadn't slept a wink in over a day, and was exhausted. Everyone instantly adored her (the word "simpatico" describes how we all felt) The whole family sat up with her late into the night and learned about her family and her country (the children were full of questions and wonder), and started the process of getting to know each other in person.

"When I got to America I thought that all places are beautiful. Completely different than São Paolo, no trash in the streets, more quiet," says Fernanda.

We had been exchanging email with Fernanda and her family before her arrival, so she was Internet-ready. She had been studying English since the age of eight, and could communicate very well. We set her up with a laptop computer which she uses to keep in daily contact with her parents, grandparents, and with other friends from Brazil who are also on exchange programs here in the United States. Her best friends, who are presently with families in Texas and Sacramento, will be coming to visit her in Los Angeles over the Christmas break. How fun to have a house full of teen aged Brazilian girls!

Nanda and Nelson Kids Visit San Francisco

We've been fortunate enough to share some wonderful experiences with Fernanda, including a magical family trip to Stinson Beach (Northern California), where Fernanda taught Nina and Randa how to knit. Fernanda's birthday is the day after our twin girls' birthday, so of course we had to play hooky and celebrate at our second home, Disneyland.

Nelsons play at Stinson Beach August 2000

"Before I came to America I said to myself, I don't want to think about anything, I just want to let things happen. I knew everything was going to be different than I could imagine. I did hope to see some movie stars, and was very excited to meet Will Smith. I thought California was like a dream, and I really wanted to see the famous beaches. Things that we see in the movies, like Beverly Hills, are much more beautiful live," continues Fernanda.

Fernanda meets Will Smith at a
family picnic

High school experience

As Fernanda arrived from Brazil in early August, we had a whole month to spend with her before school started. So we traveled, went out to eat a lot, and just generally tried to have a lot of fun. We were quickly becoming an integrated family unit.

"It took more than one month for me to feel totally comfortable. I used to think that the family was being so nice with me, because they are hosting me just because they want to, not because they are paid or anything like that. So, I felt like I had to be very polite, and I thought being polite was asking if I could get food from the fridge and stuff like that, but my host mom told me I was going to be very hungry if I had to ask for food every time I wanted something to eat, so now I know where the Clif bars are kept, and I help myself. Now I feel like I'm at home, and can just be myself," says Fernanda.

Nanda and Willie at Stinson Beach

In September reality hit, school was starting. Fernanda's first day of school joining the senior class was a bit rough, as she was used to a school where the kids are very friendly to newcomers. The concept of the American high-school clique was, pardon the pun, foreign to her.

Says Fernanda, "High School was not how I imagined. I met some nice people, but I also met some people who were not friendly, and sometimes mean. I also heard students using bad words in front of teachers, which I would never hear in Brazil. It's hard when you don't speak English very well to make friends, but I have made some friends. The boy across the street drives me to school every day, and he's really nice. The classes are easier, the school is much more liberal than my private school in São Paolo. The teachers are less formal, and more willing to be a 'friend' to the students than in my country."

Lifelong Vegetarian

Fernanda is a life-long vegetarian, which we thought would be a good fit for our household, as our own children (though younger) are also life-long veggie kids.

Reveals Fernanda, "Before I got to America I thought that my vegan host family would just eat lettuce and carrots. I thought maybe I wouldn't get used to the food. But the food is amazing. We don't have the kind of variety of vegan food in Brazil that the Americans have. It's very easy to be vegan in America." Her favorite restaurant here, ironically enough, is a vegetarian Chinese joint. Everyone knows you need to travel to California to get good Chinese!

Francisco, Fernanda's father, became vegetarian at the age of 9. Thirty-five years ago his father, Raul, decided that he no longer wanted to eat animals out of a desire to "live and let other beings live." Raul had also learned about the health benefits of avoiding meat consumption. He informed his young children that he believed that all the cruelty involved in the death of the animals remained in the bodies of the animals, and that those energies could be absorbed when people eat meat. This caused a big change in Francisco and his entire family's way of thinking. Prior to Raul's transformation they had given little thought about what they were eating, but now they all decided to become vegetarian.

Fernanda's grandparents, parents, brother, aunts, uncles, cousins are all vegetarian, many, like Fernanda, since birth. Fernanda believes that being vegetarian in Brazil is normally not complicated. Most of the restaurants have good meatless options, and living in a tropical country means they have many vegetables, grains and fruits available year round.

Francisco and Marisa, Fernanda's mom and dad, came to the United States for a convention in Las Vegas in October. Luckily they were able to stay with us for a few days, and we had the pleasure of becoming acquainted with them as well (anyone who comes to our house has to do the vegan restaurant tour -- Follow Your Heart, Canoga Park; Vegetable Delight, Granada Hills; and Cafe Bellisimo, Woodland Hills).

Francisco, Fernanda & Marisa in California

We compared notes on being vegetarian in our respective countries, and Francisco said he found no significant social drawbacks in Brazil to being vegetarian.

"On the contrary," he informed us, "the image of a vegetarian person is associated with somebody that takes care of his health." In the past, many expressed worry to him about the "lack of protein" in the vegetarian diet. But after decades of vegetarianism Fernanda and her family are pictures of perfect health, and Francisco said that many Brazilians have changed their minds about his lifestyle.

"We accept the way people eat and we expect the others to do the same with us," explained Francisco. "Sometimes we ask people to imagine all the animals they eat in all their lives, and we ask them how many lives were eliminated just because of their way of living. Normally, most of the more educated people we meet and know in Brazil admire our way of living, and we have influenced people to become vegetarians."

Francisco and Marisa travel frequently to the United States, Europe, Asia and even Africa. "In recent years, we have been seeing more and more people becoming vegetarians in Brazil and in other countries," Francisco revealed. "We see a growing number of young people becoming vegetarians or, at the very least, not eating red meat (even though meat in Brazil is less expensive than in many other countries). Many restaurants and bars in Brazil offer vegetarian options today. Mad Cow Disease has also prompted many to rethink and improve their diets."

Opening Your Home and Your Heart

Having Fernanda come live with us has vastly enriched the lives of our family members, and we're not just talking about the occasional free babysitting. Fernanda is truly part of our family now. Long after she returns home, she'll be in our hearts.

Nanda and friends at Disneyland

Says Fernanda, "I love it here. I miss my family and friends in Brazil, but I've grown to love America. I will be very, very sad when it's time for me to go home. I want to take Randa, Nina and Willie home with me. I just love them, like they are my own little sisters and brother. I don't have younger brothers and sisters, and every day I have so much fun with them, and laugh all the time. "

Our three are absolutely crazy about Fernanda, and four-year-old Willie has already informed her that he will be keeping her "forever and ever."

And does Fernanda recommend an AYA experience to her amigos?

"I have told my friends that they should visit America as well, as it's a fantastic experience, and you get to know another culture, and living in another country without your family and friends makes you more independent. It's great to visit new places and learn things firsthand, not just from books. And it's just fun!"

We heartily agree, although there will be many tears and kleenexes floating around the airport when Fernanda returns home to Brazil in January. Saying good-bye will be hard for all of us.

Nanda and her American family, September 2000

 
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