So I Married A Flesh-Eater

You Versus Your Family:
"I'm vegtarian, they're not -- help!"
by Kira Sampson

o you're married, with a couple of children (or more), and you've decided to make the vegetarian plunge. How is your family going to react to tofu burgers and bulgur, after being used to the typical American diet of meat and potatoes?

Well, let's start with those potatoes. They're familiar, your family likes them, so build a few menus around them. Scalloped potatoes, green beans, a salad -- sounds like a pretty good meal to me. The key is to ease into it, giving your family a chance to become accustomed to the change before you start introducing the more "exotic" vegetarian foods. Macaroni and cheese, spaghetti with marinara sauce, stir-fried vegetables -- all of these are dishes your family may already eat routinely.

One important factor to consider is the age of your children. Younger children are generally fairly adaptable, and accept what's on their plates -- with the exception, of course, of that finicky eater who just can't be pleased. If you have one of those, you've fought the "I don't want to eat that" battle countless times already, and probably have found your own way of dealing with it. Two words of advice: cheese and sauces. Many picky eaters can be wooed with those two items either sprinkled over vegetables or provided for dipping.

Older children, however, may have more developed tastes and be more resistant to changes in their diet. A lot of them don't want to be seen as "different" from their peers. You may have to face the fact that, while you can control what your children eat when they're home, you cannot dictate what they will eat when they're away from home. All you can do is provide a good example and discuss your reasons for vegetarianism. As hard as it may be to accept, your child will have to make his/her own decisions out in that big wide world.

But let's get back to the home front. You've been feeding your family vegetarian-type foods that they're familiar with, but they start asking for some of their favorite meat dishes, and you can tell your partner would really like to have them, too. In fact, your partner may be more vocal than your children. What do you do? Well, the first thing is, don't feel too guilty if you cave in occasionally and give them what they want. Just try to keep it to a minimum. After all, family harmony is more important than being a "purist". Even vegetarian-from-birth children eat cake and (tofu) ice cream at birthday parties! You can't expect your family (or yourself) to be perfect. Let me repeat that: YOU CAN'T EXPECT YOUR FAMILY (OR YOURSELF) TO BE PERFECT. Got it?

Now that we've decided no one's perfect, let's get into the most difficult issue when dealing with a family who's not vegetarian: the support of your partner. In most matters, you and your partner try to present a united front to the children. Any discussion of an issue is carried on behind closed doors. When it comes to meal times, though, your partner may side with the children in hopes of wearing you down. He/she may not appreciate your efforts to cook more healthily for your family. It's hard to live day-in, day-out with opposition. The temptation to just throw in the towel can be pretty strong.

So what do you do? Well, here's where your vegetarian support group can really help. Turn to them for pep talks, inspiration, and a shoulder to cry on. Arrange to have meals together so that your children (and especially your spouse) can see other families living happily with vegetarianism. And, most of all, don't give up! Sure, you may have occasional lapses, when the pressure from your family becomes too great, but don't let those lapses defeat you. You want to teach your children perseverance, don't you? Well, showing them that in your actions is a far more powerful lesson than any amount of "telling" them how they should act. So keep on keeping on!

Next time:
ON THE ROAD:
Where Can I Get A Good Meal In This Burg?

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Kira Sampson is a writer, homeschool mother, news editor, and editor/publisher of two newsletters, one for her local homeschool group and the other for a local writer's group.

She is also one of the Founders of People for Children & Animals, Inc. Her column, One Woman's Perspective, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.