One Woman's Perspective

Can this marriage be saved?

So I Married a Flesh Eater...
by Kira Sampson

he's a vegetarian, he's a carnivore (or, more accurately, omnivore): can this marriage be saved?

Of course! But -- and that's a BIG but -- it's going to take some tolerance, understanding, and flexibility on both sides. The first thing to consider is, were you a vegetarian when you met? Did you tell your partner up front that, although you understood he/she wasn't ready to become a vegetarian, you were not willing to compromise your beliefs? If that's the case, then your partner has no complaint. He/she agreed to the conditions going into the relationship, and must abide by that agreement.

However, you may be in a different situation: you've been living with/married to a partner for some time, and, for whatever reason, you've decided to go vegetarian. In the best of worlds, your partner would be convinced by your sincerity and fervor and join you in your quest for a healthier lifestyle. In the real world, though, he/she is more likely to look at you like you're crazy and say, "You're going to become a what?"

So what do you do now? You're about to make a major lifestyle   change, and your partner won't support you. You're eager and motivated, but you still have a lot to learn, and you'd like to be able to explore this brave new world with the one you love best (most of the time!). Well, don't despair. It's possible that your partner may "convert" after seeing how happy and healthy you are, but don't count on it. What you need to do first of all is look for support you can count on.

Since you're reading this, you're obviously familiar with the internet and its myriad possibilities. This is a very good place to start your quest. VegSource offers not only information but also a forum where you can ask questions, express concerns, and just vent a little when you need to. We also provide links to other web sites which are informative and supportive.

At some point, though, you're going to need some face-to-face support. So how do you find it? Well, again the internet can come to your aid! I found two vegetarian support groups in my area on the internet, and then went on to contact them by telephone. Here's a link that may help you, too:

The World Guide to Vegetarianism:

http://www.veg.org/veg/Guide/

If you live in a rural area and there aren't any organized vegetarian groups close by, you may want to consider starting your own. Put up a notice in your local health food store or co-op asking like-minded people to give you a call. Talk with the people who work at the vegetarian (or veg-friendly) restaurant closest to you. They may know of an informal group in your area, or they may be willing to help you get organized. You'll never know until you try!

The main thing to remember is, it's okay for you and your partner to have different points of view. We're all individuals, and we can't expect everyone else to be at the same place we are at the same time. That might make for an easier world to live in, but eventually it would get pretty boring! So, try to remember all those good qualities you saw in your partner in the beginning, and cherish that secret hope that he/she, too, will eventually see the vegetarian light!

Next time:
HIS FOOD, HER FOOD:
THE MIXED-MARRIAGE KITCHEN

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Kira Sampson is a writer, homeschool mother, news editor, and editor/publisher of two newsletters, one for her local homeschool group and the other for a local writer's group.

She is also one of the Founders of People for Children & Animals, Inc. Her column, One Woman's Perspective, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.