"Don't worry
-- it's fake!"
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Ask Miss Fromack!
by Margie Fromack
(the one and only)
My dahlings, thank you so much for your cards and letters. I can't tell you how WONDERFUL it makes me feel to know how much you appreciate moi. I shall try my best to deserve your approbation.
As much as I would love to be able to answer each and every one of you dear souls personally, my extensive work with the animals, not to mention my upcoming court hearing, prevents me from doing so. This week I have selected a few of your WONDERFUL letters for the edification of you, my dahling readers.
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Dear Miss Fromack: If I want to be vegan, should I stop taking calcium tablets that are derived from oyster shells? And should I stop wearing pearls?
Signed,
Grandmother of Pearl
Dear Pearl: My dahling, calcium derived from oyster shells is not vegan, as you have already guessed. There are many other sources of calcium. The American Dietetic Association has this to say on the subject of calcium:
"Calcium from low-oxalate vegetable greens, such as kale, has been shown to be absorbed as well or better than calcium from cow's milk (15)...Calcium deficiency in vegetarians is rare, and there is little evidence to show that calcium intakes below the Recommended Dietary Allowance (13) cause major health problems in the vegetarian population. The relatively high US recommendations for calcium intake, compared with those for populations consuming a more plant based diet, are designed to compensate for the calciuric effect of high intakes of animal protein, which are customary in the United States. Studies have shown that vegetarians, on the other hand, absorb and retain more calcium from foods than do nonvegetarians (16,17)."
Aren't you glad you asked, dahling? That said, if your doctor is telling you to take a particular calcium supplement, far be it for the humble Miss F. to tell you to do otherwise.
Moi does not consider pearls to be vegan. I only wear fakes, as I donated all my real strands to the East Long Island Humane Society. Mr.(excuse me while I spit) Fromack gave me the necklaces, so I wanted to get rid of them before some little schifosa got her hands on them, anyway. Why don't you send your pearls to me? I'll make sure they end up in the right hands.
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Dear Miss Fromack: My neighbor is a bother. He plays loud music late into the night, and lets his dogs run loose. I have told the Chief of Police and my State Representative but they have done nothing. They told me to take the guy to court. What should I do? PS: I keep a loaded shotgun under my bed.
Signed,
Ready to Blow!
Dear Blow: My dahling, what are you doing with a loaded shotgun under your bed? Hunting for dust bunnies under there? But about your neighbor...here is my suggestion. Invite him over to your house for some "special herbal tea" and crumpets. A long time ago, I spent some time in Brooklyn, and I met a few people there. There's a very nice man, Mickey Finn (he's in the book), who can help you with the "tea." Once it's worked, I highly recommend Don Frizzione (also in the Brooklyn book), who will send someone to neatly tuck your neighbor into a luggage container headed to Sao Paolo. (The Frizziones control the Local that loads and unloads all the planes at JFK.) Trust me, you can be rid of your problem for less than you'd spend on a filing fee.
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Dear Miss Fromack: Sometimes I pull up pictures of animals on my monitor from the Internet and other sources. (I would rather not talk about the ones I get from other sources.) Anyway, if I have trapped these animals inside my computer for periods of time, does this mean that I'm not a vegan anymore? Or that my computer is not vegan anymore? I'm concerned about it because she's very sensitive about these things. I am so confused. Any advice?
Signed,
Computer Nerd
Dear Computer Nerd: I'm not sure I can help your little Miss Computer, but I'm very interested in hearing about the animals you're getting from "other sources." Please send me an e-mail, soon. We need to talk, young man!
Next Week:
Thanksgiving, The Annual Turkey Trauma
Answers to your Holiday Issues
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Personal to Grandemere: Yes, I do know what a "scumbag" is
-- any purse that's not a Chanel.
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Do YOU have a question for Miss Fromack? Write to her, and your question may be answered here! Write to:
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Margie Fromack is a well-known Long Island socialite and animal rights activist. She is divorced from Mr. Fromack (thank God!), and has two brilliant children: her son Manny the doctor, and her daughter Tamara the lawyer.
Margie's column, Ask Miss Fromack, is a regular feature of VegSource On-Line Magazine.